Reply to "Perfect on paper husband," just not in love with him

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Reply to ""Perfect on paper husband," just not in love with him"

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[quote=Anonymous]All these responses from OP make me wonder if she's really just asking for permission to cheat.

Everything people suggest, she shoots down. Talking honestly and maturely with her husband will "crush" him. So that's why you hire a therapist to mediate and facilitate dealing with difficult issues. But no, therapy or using counselors is out, says the OP. Talking explicitly and negotiating about sex is out, according to the OP, even though that's what most of us with hot sex lives do to get what we need from our long-term partners.

She just wants what she wants, which is no-words, rough sex with an angry, dysfunctional type. In real life, this kind of guy is just good for that one thing and a nightmare to live a life with. So, how to get it with the good guy she has?

You have to move past "I want what I want!" That will leave you stuck in selfish brat mode, and that makes people do foolish things.

What you want is not compatible with what you have. Your husband is probably a caretaker type, a little codependent. And you are what you are. And you don't even know what that is, exactly, or what to do to meet your needs. It's not your husband's job to read your mind or appease you. At the very least, have the guts to tell him it's YOU, not HIM. That you've come to realize that your sexual style is <insert a very clear, frank description to him here>, and his is very nice and all, but unless the two of you mix it up and try some new things that meet your needs better, neither of you will be happy and satisfied. People here have described how they alternate doing things their way vs their spouse's way. To get to that, you have to be really frank with your partner, but it's worth it. You also have to talk with care for their feelings and their ego. Tell each other your fantasies. Make a deal to take turns acting them out. Who knows? If he doesn't do too well the first go around, try it another time until he gets the idea of what you're looking for. You have nothing to lose by trying that.[/quote]

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