Reply to "Perfect on paper husband," just not in love with him

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Reply to ""Perfect on paper husband," just not in love with him"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, you're passive and entitled.

passive in that you let others convince you to marry this guy

entitled in that you think that in addition to everything else your husband brings to the table, he should miraculously figure out how to have sex with you in the way you want--without you even communicating it.

what do YOU bring to the table?

finally, I think you're existing way too much in your head--your having sex imagining someone else, thinking about what he's not doing, rather than engaging with him. and I know, because I've been there, and it started to get bad, to where I was incredibly self conscious about not being 'attracted' during sex, about how inadequate my husband was in XYZ department. But Irealized that was death for our marriage and I spent a lot of time thinking about what a great guy he is (and he's not anywhere near perfect on paper, like your husband). and I made a real effort to connect outside of the bedroom; talking, really talking and spending time together and asking him questions, and listening, and just connecting in ways that its really ahrd to do when you work and have young kids. and that has just changed the tenor of things. And I was also more explicit about what I liked in the bedroom and its getting there. Is it like the mind blowing sex I used to have? No, but none of those relationships lasted. In some ways, the more unstable the relationship, the better the sex. But that's not what you want when you've got kids and a whole life with someone.

Two thought experiments:

1)  imagine that your husband became disinterested and imagine that he's starting to be interested in someone else. Someone hot, young, pretty at work. Someone who is interested in him. 
how does that make you feel?

2) imagine you just found out you have cancer. do you want your husband by your side? 
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