Reply to In shock - he cheated

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[quote=Anonymous]Is the key issue for you that he was dishonest?  Or is the key issue what he was dishonest about?  I am poster 9:30, and I can tell you that I spent a lot of time justifying his dishonesty as being "not so bad" because of the content of the lies.  The lies that I knew about that is.

During the long years of a marriage, there will be many, many times when he will have to choose to be honest even though it might be easier, more comfortable, and convenient for him to be dishonest.  It won't necessarily always be about infidelity, although I agree that is the worst instance.  In fact, my own husband (please note I do not use the term DH anymore!) always rationalized his untruths because they were not about infidelity and thus were not a big deal.

Honesty is not just an absence of lies ... it is about openness and emotional intimacy.  Remember that your new spouse didn't just lie one time ... his actions reflect a series of many lies and to multiple people.  This does not make him evil and horrible ... he no doubt has many wonderful, admirable qualities.  Being emotionally trustworthy just doesn't happen to be one of them.[/quote]

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