Reply to I slept with another man and am consumed with guilt

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I understand that you must have a load of guilt weighing on your heart at this moment. And it must be eating you alive. I hear you.

But do not this stupid mistake ruin you and your husband. And it WILL most certainly ruin you both if you disclose your indiscretion to him.

Why cause irreparable harm on a wonderful marriage? Why cause such a good person the worst kind of traumatic pain one can feel? What good can possibly come out of it?? ZERO, that's it. Nada.

Forgive yourself. Shoot...Punish yourself all you want.

But let this be a lesson to yourself and no one else.

What your husband doesn't know won't hurt him. In fact, it will kill him if he finds out.

There is already too much unhappiness, misery and suffering in the world as it is....What kind of person would want to add to this amount?

Do damage control and make a promise to yourself to count your loss, you've learned a hard lesson this time, stay true from today and ahead and do not EVER let this happen again. [/quote]

In other words, PP, OP gets to eat her cake and have it, too, because that is somehow better for her DH? That is too easy.

I agree that is what OP is likely going to do, and to rationalize based on the interests of her DC , but let's be honest about the stakes.  OP's DH is going to be tricked into spending the rest of his life with someone under false pretenses.  "What he doesn't know won't hurt him" is too glib a way to dismiss the significance of that.

Saying that approach is somehow for the best is both convenient and self-serving for OP.  For some of us, at least, there are worse things than being hurt.  Living a lie is one of them.

OP, this is not intended to be hurtful to you.  You sound like a good person who made a mistake.   [/quote]

Agree 100%

I could not live with myself knowing that I had violated my DH's trust. It isn't fair to him to let him believe that I hadn't broken our marriage vows. It makes the whole marriage invalid, imo. Might the marriage end? Yes, but that would be my fault. Not for telling, but for cheating. I would do everything I could to repair the marriage, but I cannot live a lie, and it isn't fair to my DH to let him live that lie, either.

What kind of a person are you if you can lie to your partner like that? What does it say about your character? And God forbid the truth come out later - as it may well. Because then the lie is unforgivable.[/quote]

I agree with both.  You messed up and now its time to own up to it.  Your husband will be hurt, but this will be something that you will have to deal with because you caused it.  Do you really want to live the rest of your life with this secret?  You'll feel better afterward knowing that you messed up but did the best you could to right a wrong.  IMO, you don't get to decide what's best for your husband re: telling him or not.  You already put your interests ahead of his by cheating.[/quote]

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