Reply to SIL just sent out the most obnoxious "coming to visit the new family" e-mail

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Reply to "SIL just sent out the most obnoxious "coming to visit the new family" e-mail"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I've seen these request everywhere. I had a mom friend who has shared this on fb during her second pregnancy a few months ago. As a 1st time mom   I decided to limit visitors and overnight guests because believe it or not people will invite themselves over and look for you to meet their needs . Becoming a new mom is a life changing experience and this mom should be allowed room to  adjust. I would not send out this email but would say no visitors at this time including family . It's a private time for mom, dad and baby. Hubby needs to help out more because newborns usually require something ever two or three hours around the clock. I feel sorry that the mom needed to send this out but she has her reasons and is trying to be accommodating  to clueless and self centered adults she knows. It's easier to just say no visitors at this time and that includes grandparents and aunts. 
.[/quote]

I have to agree with this.  So, SIL doesn't really know tact.  It is her first time as a mom.  Can anyone fault her for wanting what is best for her?

I think those that argue are the ones who were barged in on by relatives; like MIL who had sucky birth experiences.  Not everyone is okay with that.

[/quote]

On the second point - agreed.  Time for DH to buffer.
On the first point - she's burning bridges before they are built.  She'll regret it in the end and wonder why she is so burnt out and has no one to call when she needs a break, or a hand.  Boundaries are healthy, unreasonable requests and rudeness are not.  I would never under any circumstances make the sort of demands that she is making.  Nor do I have any friends who would do this.  People will get the hint and simply stay away.  PIA mommy in the making.[/quote]

You're probably right that she will burn some bridges, but maybe those are bridges that needed to be burned, with selfish, judgmental people who really aren't adding much that is positive to her life. If your BFF, who is normally a really cool person you enjoy, sent out this email, would you end the friendship over it, or would you cut her some slack and assume she's feeling a bit overwhelmed and anxious about being a first-time mom? The kind and compassionate people (i.e., the people she will want to keep close to her) will do the latter, even if they think she's being silly, because that's kindness.[/quote]

I hope for her sake you are right.  It wouldn't be a friendship-breaker for me, but then again I don't know anyone who would send out an email like this.  Thank goodness.  I can only imagine what she was like when she was getting married.  She sounds like an exhausting person to be around. (yeah, I'm judging) Oh, and people who are selfish and judgmental generally aren't the first in line to help their "friends".  True friends who make up a support system are usually a self-selecting bunch. [/quote]

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