Reply to SIL just sent out the most obnoxious "coming to visit the new family" e-mail

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I've seen these request everywhere. I had a mom friend who has shared this on fb during her second pregnancy a few months ago. As a 1st time mom   I decided to limit visitors and overnight guests because believe it or not people will invite themselves over and look for you to meet their needs . Becoming a new mom is a life changing experience and this mom should be allowed room to  adjust. I would not send out this email but would say no visitors at this time including family . It's a private time for mom, dad and baby. Hubby needs to help out more because newborns usually require something ever two or three hours around the clock. I feel sorry that the mom needed to send this out but she has her reasons and is trying to be accommodating  to clueless and self centered adults she knows. It's easier to just say no visitors at this time and that includes grandparents and aunts. 
.[/quote]

I have to agree with this.  So, SIL doesn't really know tact.  It is her first time as a mom.  Can anyone fault her for wanting what is best for her?

I think those that argue are the ones who were barged in on by relatives; like MIL who had sucky birth experiences.  Not everyone is okay with that.

[/quote]

On the second point - agreed.  Time for DH to buffer.
On the first point - she's burning bridges before they are built.  She'll regret it in the end and wonder why she is so burnt out and has no one to call when she needs a break, or a hand.  Boundaries are healthy, unreasonable requests and rudeness are not.  I would never under any circumstances make the sort of demands that she is making.  Nor do I have any friends who would do this.  People will get the hint and simply stay away.  PIA mommy in the making.[/quote]

"She'll regret it in the end" is not only true of protective moms - it is true of many people.  For example, what about the meddling MIL who insists she is not a meddling MIL?

Boundaries to some people are only offensive if they pertain to them.  Some people don't like to be told no, pure and simple.

When we had a wedding or birth or whatever, we learned VERY quickly who was looking out for the themselves, and who was looking out for the greater good.  They were not fooling anyone.  To this day, I remember who was actually helpful and who was a self centered PITA.  Guess what?  Same old, same old holds true with some people.  Predictable as ever.

Maybe the new mom didn't word it to your liking, but she has a point.  If she is not so gracious, maybe you should be a better example.

[/quote]

PP - how was I not gracious?  The new mom is making a very clear point.  To be gracious is to be thankful for the help you receive, and set boundaries that feel right to you.  Apparently her boundaries include requests for specific types of  housework help, acceptable food, no baby holding. That's fine - not particularly gracious - but fine - and people will hopefully respect their very strict boundaries.  But they will end up in a bubble without a support system. I guess I'm lucky that I never ran into people who don't like to be told no, or maybe I just didn't say no to help when it was offered.  In the end, it's their baby, their call.  [/quote]

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