Reply to If DH is a law firm partner, must I be the default parent?

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Reply to "If DH is a law firm partner, must I be the default parent?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So at least 2 pps chimed in that they were biglaw partners [i]and[/i] the default parent (and thus disagreeing with the other 99% of posters saying that it's not really possible) and both those pps were the DW.  Of course.  [/quote]
Thus proving the point.  [/quote]

I do think it's possible. It's just really, really hard, and therefore pretty rare. The female partners at my firm usually didn't have kids. Those who did, had at least one nanny, or their husbands worked a flexible job. The male partners with kids mostly had stay at home wives. There just aren't enough hours in the day unless you are brilliant and super-productive and can get everything done in half the amount of time it takes most people.

DH and I are both government lawyers (both ex-Biglaw associates) and I wouldn't say either of us is the default parent. We split things pretty evenly. He does drop-off, I do pickup; kid is in daycare about 45 hours per week. I am in charge of all things food-related; he does a lot of bottle washing and diaper pail changing. We split our household duties fairly evenly too. I do a bit more, maybe 60% to his 40%, because I have a shorter commute and work from home one day a week. We have no outside help other than the lawn. But we are barely managing. I don't cook most nights; we do a lot meals assembled from whatever's in the fridge (salami, cheese, bread, etc). I know we could not do this if even one of us were still in Biglaw (let alone both). Thus far we have managed to avoid having one of us dial back in favor of the other's career, because we both love our jobs and are top performers and want to stay that way. Not sure how we will do that once we have a second kid, though. I feel lucky that we both recognized early on that Biglaw wasn't going to work and got out after about 5 years each. Unfortunately, a lot of people don't realize that soon enough, or can't make it out, and then they are stuck, like OP and her husband. It sucks.

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