Reply to When the kids go to college, I'm out of this loveless and affectionless marriage

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Reply to "When the kids go to college, I'm out of this loveless and affectionless marriage"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Woah...OP really steuck a nerve. 13 pages.

Me thinks many of you who are so upset are the spouse who is dead between the legs.[/quote]

Actually, no.  We have a great sex life, now.  But for 2-3 years when the kids were little?  Nope.  Good when it happened, but not nearly frequent enough -- and it WAS me saying no.  But thank GOD my DH is nothing like these losers spouting their childish, selfish, pathetic misogynistic crap.  I could never respect someone like that.  He saw it as our problem, and worked to try to help me get back to where we needed to be.  Just like I worked with him when he had a hard time in another area of life.  How do you not take care of the mother of your children?  What kind of man behaves like that?  She's going through something, so you bail.  Nice vows.  That's not a man.  THat's not even an adult.
[/quote]

Sounds to me like your DH isn't much into sex, so the fact that you kept saying [b]no[/b] wasn't an issue in your house.
That's great for you both. No need to call the rest of us "losers".

Now let's get back to our discussion where one spouse is NOT ok with minimal sex (...regardless of little kids). 
There is nothing childish about needing an intimate relationship with spouse.
And there is certainly no (good) reason why this would be put on hold for 2 - 3 years with young kids.

Selfish of a man to desire sex you say? What could be more selfish than ignoring an important need of my spouse!
Are you unable to set reasonable limits around mutual child care that you can't spare 15 minutes twice each week?

Even infants are just not that demanding. Of course, if you WANT to ignore your partner, it is always easy to find some essential thing that the baby [u]must have right now[/u]. Are you this kind of mother? Sounds very selfish to me.[/quote]

Wrong.  Completely wrong.  Unless at least 5 times a week is "not into sex" (for 40 year olds with kids and 2 serious jobs).  Just because this guy wants to give up on his family, don't pretend that it's impossible to get it back.  It's possible.  Not for everyone, and if he's really trying and she's just not willing to try, then that's very sad.  But he's not talking about trying therapy, or anything like that.  He's calling her fat and planning to leave her.   That's losery.
"Put on hold" for 2-3 years with young kids?  Not as a policy, no.  But if the 2 kids are born within 2 years, and one of them never sleeps, and one of them has a serious health issue and mom has PPD and also has to go back to work, then, yep, it gets pretty darned infrequent.  No one said it's selfish of a man to desire sex.  It's selfish of him to put that need above all else.  Would you leave the wife because she was too ill to have sex?   That's selfish.  So, she's sleepless and depressed.  That's illness.  Does that mean she shouldn't try to fix it?   Of course not, but you are supposed to be her help-mate.  Help her.  But your easy way around that is blame the mom for not being a good enough mother and selfish?  Really?  That's selfish?  You've clearly never been the primary parent of an infant.  That doesn't even pass the laugh test.  You are so far off in lala land you can't even see the reality.[/quote]

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