Reply to NYT: professional moms who opted out of work after kids are now opting back in

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Reply to "NYT: professional moms who opted out of work after kids are now opting back in"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Agree with PPs who said the people had marriage problems unrelated to the working/staying home issue.  Their marriages probably would have dissolved either way.  They also may have had self-esteem issues -- feeling devalued and trying to please to feel better about themselves and their relationships.  I do think that SAHMs are often devalued, but these women seemed particularly searching for some meaning/value in their lives aside from this.[/quote]

No, I disagree.  Perhaps the people in the article do have problems in their marriages.  But I do think that even in very good marriages, the dynamic changes when one spouse stays home, especially if that is the woman.  There is a subtle but very real slip into traditional roles, and over time (I've seen this happen) the relationship changes, the level of respect changes.

It's a shame, but I do think it's a problem.[/quote]

I agree with this. For me, the point is that modern marriage and raising kids is hard no matter the set up (not that it wasn't hard in the past but we have different obstacles now). When one person is working and facing the stresses of work and being the breadwinner, he is going to expect some relief from other stressors of life, like parenting and household management. And when one person is doing more of the parenting and household management, she is going to expect relief from that. It's not that both parents working solves this problem - everyone wants me time etc., but it might leave room for more understanding of the other person's perspective. Having one person do all of one thing and the other do all of the other thing, just leaves room for resentment. It's not insurmountable, but it's an issue.[/quote]

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