Reply to What to tell child who is product of an affair?

Forum Index » Parenting -- Special Concerns

Reply to "What to tell child who is product of an affair?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]18:58, are you saying that OP has no responsibility in tbis situation?  She was having an affair witb a much older married man.  There iz equal blame and responsibility.  She chose to have a child even thoughhe made it perfectlly clear that he wanted nothing to do with the child.  She has signed a confidentiality agreement.  If OP has even the IQ in mid double digits, which I doubt, then she had legal counsel. 
She made her bed and now she doesn't find it comfortable. Tough.  He owes nothing to her or her unfortunate child.[/quote]

Look, I am pro choice.  But I am also anti abortion.  I think all women have to make the decision for themselves and not have it imposed on them by someone else.  But, it is not something I would do.  No matter what the circumstances of conception, I actually respect and admire a woman who keeps a pregnancy despite all the self-serving reasons why she might want to abort instead.  And to KEEP that child herself instead of washing her hands of it, putting the baby up for adoption?

We should be congratulating OP for taking the difficult path, not smearing her for accepting the consequences of her actions.  The father must also accept the consequences of his choice to have sex outside of marriage.  Including that a confidentiality agreement might not be enough to hide his sins.  [/quote]

I would admire the OP more if she actually held to her side of the bargain. She wanted the child, she's getting support and she's signed a confidentiality agreement. That's it. Now it seems like she's not cool with what she's agreed to and wants to stick it to this man by now forcing him to acknowledge her daughter's existence. Not cool.

Should the man's wife know about his affair? Damn straight. But forcing this guy to acknowledge the child is the wrong way to go about it and will cause resentment not some sudden wave of love for his bastard child.

If the guy is paying child support, he's fulfilling his obligation as a sperm donor (which he was essentially). He never signed on for being a father, so he didn't breach any agreement with her on that score. Parenting should be a mutual decision; not something someone can force on you.[/quote]

This is OP. Please note I have not tried to "stick" anything to this man and have played along with his desire to keep this quiet from day one. The decisions we have both made in the past two years are going to shape the rest of my child's life and there is nothing wrong with seeking advice on how best to minimize the damage to her. If someday that is going to mean putting the innocent child's needs ahead of the needs/desires of the adults in this situation, so be it; at this point all I am wondering is what is the best I can do given the situation as it is.

I really appreciate the input of those who have been in or seen similar situations. 20:54 - how messy did it get? Was there healing in finding out or only pain?[/quote]

It seems like you're not so much worried about telling your daughter, but rather "exposing" her to the man's wife to out the affair. Go for it if you want, but realize: 1) he's not going to leave the wife for you, 2) the wife will probably forgive him and they will shun the child even more. So in the end....you're right back where you've started.

What help is it to expose your child to an indifferent father? [/quote]

Actually other posters have suggested that. I am not at all interested in exposing him or hurting his family and never said otherwise. My daughter is over a year old and we have barely spoken since I discovered I was pregnant; this is not someone I am interested in having a relationship with at this point. Just want to do what is best for my daughter.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics