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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My boyfriend (32) and I (30) just ended our relationship. I’m really heartbroken. We had been together for a year and were even discussing getting engaged and married. We talked about having kids too. We both want to have kids (2 and maybe 3).
I don’t want to put my kids in daycare. I want to be a stay-at-home mom until they start school.
He doesn’t agree with this plan. We both have jobs and earn about the same amount. I believe we could manage on one income.
After two months of arguing about this, we decided to break up.
This isn’t the first time I’ve ended a relationship because the guy wasn’t okay with the idea of me being a SAHM.

There are a lot of SAHM on this board. I really need your advice. How did you persuade your husband to let you stay home? 
A friend told me to not bring it up while dating because it will scare men. She recommended waiting until after I’m married and have kids. She said that they will be open up to it once they have children. Is that the right approach

Are there still guys out there in the dating world who are okay with that?
Where do I find them?
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Op, 
I was not looking for a husband who was ok with SAHM - we were way too young to even discuss this. I became a SAHM after a bit of trial and error : combination of personal health issues, an accident that made me question my priorities in life, and my general indifference toward my corporate job. My husband was definitely skeptical in the beginning because modern society has successfully rewired both men and women to expect working women to be the norm. But once he saw how well our kids were being taken care of - this is in comparison to both daycares and a full time nanny, we had experience with both - he realized it was a huge sacrifice on my part to prioritize the wellbeing of the children. We had perfectly positive experiences with the nanny but there is just no comparison in the amount and kind of love and affection he sees in me versus the nanny when it came to interacting with the children. There were also a ton of other benefits to the family as a whole - so many fewer sicknesses during the early years, no stress managing an employee and dealing with what can be a stressful dynamic with a nanny, always backup care for snow days/sick days….  The list goes on.

It helped that I embraced the role and try my best. I’m not an Instagram worthy granola mom but I cook most meals for the kids, take them to all sorts of activities, proactively dealt with sleep training and potty training for everyone’s sanity. My husband sees how hard and thankless being a SAHM mom is and is grateful I quit a pretty cushy job to do it.  I think the biggest thing is he loves the children and want the best for them - and in the case of our family, it’s me being a SAHM.  There is also no question that once my younger kid starts preschool, I will start looking for part time work and eventually go back to full time. 
 
Men have reason to be skeptical because there is no glamor or even that much fun in being a SAHM. it’s a grind most days and I’ve frequently struggled with regret / burn out. For a lot of families it is not the right choice. If you can’t do a good job and maintain your own sanity while doing it, it’s  better to outsource to qualified professionals. But if a man truly loves your kids, he should support a trial where you can demonstrate that you are up for the role.

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