Reply to DW doesn’t want my mother to move in with us.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]As much as I love my mother, I love my wife more.[/b] But I also don’t think it’s a good idea for my mother to be living alone anymore.[/quote]

That’s not normal. Your mother should be your top priority.[/quote]

No.  Marriage comes first.  That's why there are wedding vows.  "What God has joined together let NO ONE put asunder".  Not even your mom.  [/quote]

Or you can put your mom first and give up on your marriage. That is also a valid choice.  Not all marriages need to last forever. [/quote]

Sure, but then you need to move out, not move your mom in. [/quote]

Or OP can give his wife a pile of money and keep the house.  Or if there's not enough cash for a buyout of either person, OP, and his wife can sell the house, split the proceeds, and OP can buy or rent a place to live with his mom.  That can be mediated.

[/quote]

Well, I guess you don't get it. The whole idea of moving your mom to your family home from the male point of view is to have his wife take care of her! You really think the OP is planning to do much? Have you ever seen a male caregiver when a female is around (a wife, a sister)? [/quote]

I totally get it, actually.  And I would 100% divorce if DH moved his mom in and unloaded her on me.  And in our divorce settlement, I would let him buy me out of our home equity, accept a pile of cash, and let him keep the house so he and his mom could live together for the rest of her life.

The thing it took me way too long to realize as a woman is that I'm not responsible for other people, besides, obviously, my minor, dependent children.  I don't have to take care of my husband, and I certainly don't have to take care of my in-laws at the cost of my mental health.  I can say no.   Their reaction is not for me to manage or control. I wish I had known this sooner, but now that I do, it feels great to say no and protect my time, money, and energy from people who have taken advantage of me before.  And if saying no ends my marriage, that's totally fine with me.  I don't need to be married.  I like living alone.  I like my friends.  I like my hobbies.  My kids will be okay.  [/quote]

Ha, I'm there with you! We're soon to be empty nesters and my DH is already going on and on how I'll have time to finally take care of him as I used to (before kids)... I'm like nope! I wised up meanwhile! You wish! It's amazing how the society has conditioned us, women, to literally put ourselves on the back burner, so that everybody else can blossom! [/quote]

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