Reply to How to communicate to parents about reason of estrangement so they can stop the “we have no idea”?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How can I clearly communicate to parents about reason of estrangement so they can’t keep saying “we have no idea”?  Been NC with them for almost 2 years now, they still act so confused, even though a calm 5-page letter was written and sent to them explaining why I am deeply hurt, only to be met with a one sentence reply of “well, you must hate us” and nothing else?!  I would’ve felt a little better if they wrote back a longer sentence, a 2-page reply might just make me feel I matter again.  
They are delightful when there is no conflict, but as soon as a tiniest conflict occurs, they shut down.   All those years I felt like they only want to engage with me when I happy and jolly, they would say the sweetest things on earth like “Oh, we just love you so much”, but as soon as I express any negative emotion, they become unrecognizable.  If my negative emotion is not directly related to them (for example, job has been stressful) they would ignore it, walk away, or carry on cheerful conversations as if I am invisible; if the negative emotion is related to them (for example, yesterday at xxx’s house, you said this about me and hurt my feelings), then all hell breaks loose – they would immediately end the conversation by declaring “I don’t know what you are talking about”, or “I don’t know why you are saying this”, or “I can’t do this right now”.  They would at times, usher me to the door and say, “well, did you get your bag, ok, bye”.   – now remember just 2 minutes ago they were “oh, we are so happy you came visit, we miss you every day”.  How can one change their face so quickly?  I am bewildered.  
There seems to be a misconception that adult children who chose NC with their parents are ungrateful, to me it couldn’t be more wrong.  I love them so much, despite their flaws, I would take care of them when they can’t take care of themselves, I read about their generation and understand that they did not get emotional support growing up, not expecting them to change, but just a little acknowledgment of my feelings from them would make a difference.  
Anyway, has anyone successfully communicated the reason of estrangement with their parents before so there is no excuse of them saying they “have no idea”?
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You'll  have to give us some idea of your issues with them,  because not everyone is willing to just assume this has enough validity. You can understand why- this is such an epidemic and it looks  very generational. To that end,  you're  parents  seem honest- what is it you want ftom them? A public  flaggelation, a letter of remorse, walked through the town with a sign? [/quote]

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