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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m curious what % of married fathers read and process (ID, discuss, process/handle) their wife’s emails or the emails from the school, coaches, camps, invites, Etc. [/quote]

After my wife died, I read and processed those emails I deemed important, and ignored the rest.[/quote]

Yep, I think this here is why men and women argue about this kind of issue. Men are much more selective with texts or emails they deem need an actual response. Not every communication needs a response. Not every weekend needs to be planned. Not everything needs to be scheduled out 2 months in advance.[/quote]

Prioritizing emails is not the question.

The question is if one parent is forced to play prioritizer & handler secretary for ALL COMMs and INFO b/c the other is totally checked out. [/quote]

For me, it continued until he moved out of the country with his new wife, leaving our kid behind.  For the years of coparenting leading up to that move, I had to set up daily texts and emails to tell him about scheduling matters, just as I had throughout our marriage.  I just had to repeat my daily mantra that I will do what's best for our kid in every situation, no matter what my ex does or doesn't do.  Sometimes it meant leaving an event and driving across town to pick up our kid because my ex forgot and his phone was dead.  It doesn't get better with divorce.  [/quote]
Did you really think enabling your narcissistic idiot of an ex-husband in neglecting your kid was best for your kid? I would've documented all of that evidence and gone to court to strip him of access. I don't know why there are so many women like you who think that playing doormat to an arrogant idiot makes them a good mom. I get that society has terrible double standards, but you do know that you don't have to uphold them?[/quote]

DP but what you are suggesting would not be best for the kids. You will never actually get your ex "stripped of access" to the kids unless there is actual evidence of abuse or legal neglect (emotional neglect and being flaky and unreliable will not rise to the level of legal neglect even though it will make a child feel unloved and unimportant). Dragging all of this before a family court to fight a 50/50 custody will just create conflict and animosity, which will impact the kids, and the judge will always just default to "figure it out, it's 50/50." So there is no point.

The PP has it right. You accept that this is the person you procreated with and that for the duration of your kids minority status, you will have to put up with their neglectful and lazy parenting, put your kids first, and pick up all the slack. This is true whether you are married to them are not, it's just the reality of having a child with a bad father. It isn't "enabling" to accept that this is the reality and then make choices that will ensure your kids have at least one parent who is showing up for them when they need someone, even though this will mean you do way more.[/quote]
Nah. Ferk that. I'd put him through hell until he stepped up or gave up custody to have peace of mind. My soon to be ex is rolling over and agreeing to all my demands even though he's a hateful bully because I've made it clear he can either give in, step up, or spend his life being dragged to court and called out over everything. Like most lazy idiots, he's not going to step up as a parent and he doesn't want to end up impoverished by legal fees with the women he wants to chase scared off by the litigiousness of his ex-wife. So, he's giving in because there's going to be no peace of mind, time, or money for him to get his life together if he thinks he's going to make me the solo parent while retaining just enough legal custody to avoid child support. I'm getting alimony too because I told him point blank that he can either pay me or pay lawyers, but he's not keeping that money.

The idea that I can either let him take advantage of me or else I'm the one creating conflict and acrimony is so stupid. Get yourself into therapy and stop letting these men manipulate you.

To me, this is a moral issue. He wrecked my career with his selfishness while we were married and pulled a bait switch on the kids he begged to have. He is not going to get away with any more now that we're divorced. I'll see him ruined first. The fact that people like you think it's acceptable for women to get cheated in the name of "peace" is why you keep getting taken advantage of by these men. [/quote]

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