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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]After dating 18 months, it's completely understandable to be reluctant to be apart for longer than you have dated.

They are on the cusp of getting engaged in a few months, so no swipes at BF for not putting a ring on it yet. He has shown he's serious and she overheard him discussing the proposal. They discussed moving in together right away, then getting married and starting a family shortly after.

BF gets full credit for being serious. We don't know how exactly he said either marriage now or take the career promotion across the country. But will it only be 2 years? What if the company wants her to stay there, or move to their office somewhere else.

OP needs to decide whether having a high powered career is more important to her than having marriage and a family. Hopefully she can have both. Maybe not with this BF.

But she is on the verge of possibly giving up one or the other, mainly due to her age.

Getting engaged at 30, married at 31, pregnant at 32, baby at 33, baby#2 at 35 - she's already on a possibly tight schedule if she does NOT have fertility issues. If they happen to need fertility assistance, sooner rather than later is the time to find out.

Or if the draw of a promotion is pulling harder, this is a great opportunity and maybe it's just not in the cards for her and this BF. They can break up on good terms, both free to date, and if she should move back in 2 years, see where things are then.

If current home base is where both families are, does OP think she's going to move across the country, meet BF#2 who is from that location and convince him to move back to her current town? Not a sure thing.

It's time for more talking. If the company likes her this much, there may be future career advancement without moving away for 2 years. If she wants power career and family but BF sounds like he wants her to be a SAHM or shift to PT, well, that's an issue that exists now and maybe this discussion is just opening that topic earlier than it would have come up.

If OP can't bear the thought of not being with this BF for life, there's the answer.

If BF wanted to move across the country for 2 years, what would we be telling a 30yo woman? Even if they get engaged, there's a big chance he will move, meet someone else, and she will now be 32 starting over.

I won't fault OP for making either decision, as long as she understands what she is choosing and what she is possibly giving up.

I also won't fault BF for feeling blindsided by this sudden change in plans and not wanting to go 2 years without regular day-to-day interaction, just as they were about to start their engaged/married life together.[/quote]

+1 This relationship is only 1.5 years long, of course he hasn't proposed yet.  That would be insane. It sounds like its in the works and likely planned for their 2 year anniversary.

I am really curious about both of your careers. First off, a job that moves you 3.5 hrs away, I'm guessing you live on a coastal city now like DC -- so this job is moving you to the midwest or mountain west -- maybe Chicago or Texas?  In what career is that a boost?  Are you in agriculture or oil industry?  Second, how does your career compare to his -- when you have kids one of you will have to step back, and its usually the one making less.  So no idea if investing in career now, delaying kids and marriage, when you will be downshifting anyways in 4 years.

Also, does this role come with a pay increase?  How much do you make now?  How often do you see your BF now -- weekly, daily?  You can easily fly back every weekend and if there is a pay increase that won't be too painful -- 3.5 hrs is not bad for a friday night - sunday night scenario, maybe even monday morning if job is flexible on start time.  We did this for two years after marriage and took turns flying -- I would fly one weekend, spouse the other.

But we were much younger than you are, so we weren't in any rush to have kids.  Two year delay will make him at least 35 before first kid is born, and you will be 33.[/quote]

A proposal after 1.5 years of dating is not unrealistic especially when the parties are in their 30s [/quote]

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