Reply to Do you think it's okay to criticize the behavior of a kid who is not yours?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. This conversation is interesting. I wouldn't get too hung up on whether not I'm right to dislike this kid -- I feel confident in my assessment here. I've known this child and her parents since K, so five years. I'm not basing my assessment in just a few months of my kid complaining -- I've personally witnessed this child's behavior enough to know that when DD complains about it, I understand the context. I've interacted with this kid a lot and also watched her interact with both my DD and other kids and adults.

My friend's complaint was specifically with me referring to this kid the way you might describe a difficult neighbor or coworker, like "oh yeah, they are an a**hole." I know my friend would have no problem with me describing a bad neighbor that way. So I was surprised that she drew the line regarding a kid she doesn't know. She has kids, so I don't know if she just feels bothered by the idea of someone referring to her kids that way, or just generally doesn't think you should ever call a kid an a**hole.

No one has written anything here that changed my mind, though it does seem some people just don't like vulgarity I'm general or applied to kids. Would people have a different opinion if I called the kid a jerk? I would not call her a bully because I don't think her behavior is bullying -- it's more annoying and kind of a downer than anything else. It's the sort of behavior that, in an adult, would make me avoid them as much as I could, which is why I do feel bad for my kid winding up in the same classroom this year, plus we live a few blocks apart so paths overlap quite a bit. My kid doesn't really have the option of avoiding right now. But soon! [/quote]

NP. If you said what you said to me, I would do a slow fade and keep my kid away from you. I have very little patience for adults who do not give kids space to grow. You do not know what’s going on in this child’s life right now, what she can’t control, and what she is learning.

I think your language was appalling. And I’d feel the same way if you used “jerk,” for what it’s worth. Parents who gossip about kids are generally terrible people and I’d want to stay far, far away. [/quote]

My friend didn't ask me "hey how's that other kid at the elementary school doing?" She asked how my DD was doing. My DD is doing well except there's a girl in her class who is an a**hole to her and others and that's been trying.

Nothing about that denies that girl a chance to learn or grow. I hope she does. I wish her the best. Right now, she's an a**hole and her behavior impacts my kid, who is the one I'm focused on.[/quote]

Your kid is doing well except there is one girl who makes her feel insecure and instead of you teaching your DD to be resilient you are teaching her to harbor grievances. [/quote]

[/quote]

Bullshit. Neither of you have any idea how OP is teaching her daughter to handle anything based on a conversation her daughter wasn't a part of. You're just making something up.

I tell my kid to ignore kids like this, but naming what's wrong with them is part of that.[b] "This person is trash and it's not worth your time to care about how they're trying to make you feel" is a useful way to approach the world.[/quote][/b]

Holy moly this thread is depressing. I feel sad if we are sending kids into the world with this mindset [/quote]

I have to believe that PP is just OP sock-puppeting. It’s too depressing otherwise. [/quote]

So you teach your kid to worry about the opinions of jerks? That depresses me more than warning my kid that people like that exists. I genuinely don't get how parents don't admit that some kids suck. Haven't y'all ever encountered a bully?[/quote]

Do you actually not get this? Most healthy adults don’t declare that any child “sucks.” There was a girl in my DS’s class that kept on instigating fights and then would complain about him to the teachers. Teeny tiny little thing but ferocious. I once sort of rolled my eyes about her to another mom and that mom told me a lot about the girls’ family I had not know about. She didn’t move on to the zoned MS and now I worry about her. [/quote]

Kids are people. They have the same range of good or bad that adults have. Most are fine, some are very good people, some are jerks, a small minority are monsters who kill or rape or torment. Some of that comes from trauma but that's as true of adults. It's not unhealthy to acknowledge that.[/quote]

Kids are *children* not little adults. What is wrong with you? Do you think a toddler that grabs a toy is a selfish sociopath?

And despite what you think, the vast majority of adults are not going around making judgments about other children like that. If you decide that in your mission to enforce good behavior you need to call out all the 10 year old jerks to other adults, you are going to get the side eye, like OP did. So live you values and accept that other adults will judge you as the jerk in this scenario. [/quote]

A toddler is not a fourth grader and grabbing a toy isn't sociopathy, so obviously I wouldn't say that. That doesn't mean there aren't fourth graders who are monsters. I've known them. A kid, probably around that age, used to take me out into the woods and then throw rocks at me. I still have a scar between my eyes. Once he lured me into his room and repeatedly sodomized me with his fingers. He was the only kid on my block, though, and I didn't have many friends, so we still played together.

That's my perspective. I've seen too much of the range of evil that exists in children to pretend like it doesn't exist.[/quote]

I’m one of the PPs appalled by OPs behavior and the people defending her. I was also a child viciously sexually assaulted by another child, and the child who assaulted me later became a convicted criminal. Having significant childhood adverse experiences does not excuse behavior like OPs. [/quote]

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