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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
As someone else posted, what does your therapist say? If your therapist isn't giving you even an iota of help in how to approach this, you may need to go to a sex therapist together with your DH. Especially as you say this is the one and only issue between you.

But first: Yes, your DH won't do certain things despite having done them before but the unasked/unanswered question here is: [i]Why?[/i] What does he say when you ask him why he objects, if you've asked directly, OP? What is it about certain acts, which you find normal/not kink/desirable, that is so difficult for him that he won't do them? Did he have some bad experience with specific acts before, or does he find them just viscerally bad? (Trying to be delicate about it but there are some people, both women and men, to whom performing oral is just gut-level offputting, to be blunt. Not saying that's your [i]specific[/i] issue, but there are people who have that level of reaction, so is something like that his problem? A sheer physical revulsion to some things he tried with others and won't even try with you?)

I knew you'd get the inevitable DCUM response of "ask for open marriage and get your 'needs met' elsewhere." Well, that's a great recipe for destroying the rest of the marriage over time, if not at first. You and DH need outside help if this is an impasse, but not the "outside help" of your getting involved with someone else. That no-strings, it's-just-sex! advice here is always blind to things like jealousies, people getting emotionally attached, etc. Don't risk an "otherwise great marriage" by doing that.

If DH is not aware how seriously you want certain acts, if you've only said, can we try X and he says no and you move on -- I'd have a talk (not in bed! not just before or after sex, either, but at another time entirely) about this. Maybe he's not fully understanding how much you feel you want this. But also, OP, have you considered if are there other measures where he can meet you halfway, for instance, by using toys on you etc.? Worth thinking about and getting creative in ways that might work for both of you, even if it's not your ideal. This really is something where a lot of talking can help, and finding out his "why" might be a breakthrough for you both. I know that from experience in our own marriage, by the way, OP.[/quote]

Op here. My therapist listens to me. And gives me “advice” on how to talk about it with my husband. But this hasn’t gone anywhere. My husband would never go to therapy. He just wouldn’t.

So, I know I’m lucky as the issue is in no way oral. It’s basically just positions-that are all completely common and normal. [b]To be blunt-my husband is missionary only. If that gives any more insight into how what I’m asking for is not crazy.[/b]

When I have asked him why he basically just gets defensive and says “the way we do it is fine” etc… and when I push a little he basically says “he just doesn’t want to and it seems like not things you do in a marriage”. It’s very difficult to talk to him about this because his answers simply don’t make sense to me. I’m so frustrated by it. [/quote]

OP says she wants to try other positions besides missionary. Doesn't seem like an unreasonable request. I understand if it's not the husband's favorite but it's not like OP is asking to p*g him![/quote]

I've been with women who were attractive and fun to have sex with, but in certain positions it was an extreme turnoff because of their body shape or hygiene. One girl in college clearly needed some lessons in wiping and when she was on all fours the smell of poop just wafted up... real turnoff. She would ask for it, but I wasn't going to say "look, i'd hit it from the back if you'd start cleaning your butt better after dumping" because A) that would probably kill the sex that i enjoyed in all the other positions B) i really liked her and didn't want to hurt her feelings. So, I just gently demurred and suggested other positions.[/quote]

Understood regarding your circumstances. But this is his wife! I would tell my wife she needs to wipe better or even suggest showering together before sex.

The body shape could be a more difficult conversation although I'm having a hard time imagining what body shape would make only missionary desirable.[/quote]

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