Reply to PSA- Yes, you are a jerk if you don't invite your older parents to Christmas

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Reply to "PSA- Yes, you are a jerk if you don't invite your older parents to Christmas"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It was inevitable this post would bring out all the whiny “I have trauma and boundaries” people. This post is not for you. We are not telling you to invite your abusive relative to Christmas. Stop making every damn post about you! Scroll along. [/quote]

What you don't realize is that most people have difficult family members. It may not amount to a clinical definition of PTSD, but there is no reason to subject yourself to a grandparent's racist rants every holiday, or a mother's harping on every female relative's weight, including the young girls. It's not that you don't have some affection for these people, who despite their moral failings like you and have no doubt supported you in your life. But it doesn't follow that you would see them at a time when you most seek peace and quiet.

It's OK for everyone to choose how and when and where they interact with their relatives. I entirely agree with you that blood is thicker than water. I will contribute to eldercare, help out when someone is sick, send gifts to kids and spend precious summer vacation time with some of my relatives.

Christmas? No. I will enjoy my spiritual break in PEACE.

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What you might not understand is that people can hear all of this and then still disagree and say nope, it’s one day a year, get your peace the other 364 days. It’s just a difference of opinion and that’s what message boards are all about.  And this thread is about parents not other relatives.[/quote]

PP you replied to. Posters are taking issue with the insult in the titled. If you are OP, then you need to stop doing that if you seek a polite debate. If we simply disagree on which day to see our parents (note that I referred to my mother, who is skeletally thin and believes anyone who is not is de facto fat and stupid), then we can courteously stop the discussion there and each visit on our preferred days.

OP started the fight by being horribly rude, no doubt on purpose to get a rise out of people.

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PP here and I get the point and agree it was rude of OP to call people jerks. I still think parents and in laws should be invited outside of abuse or other unusual circumstance.[/quote]

Growing up my husband had to go to his dad's parents' house for the morning of Christmas to open presents and hated that they had to pack everything in the car and drive it over and then open everything on his grandparents' timeline and couldn't actually put together anything or play with some of it because they couldn't set it up at someone else's house. Then he had to go to his mom's parents' house for the afternoon/evening of Christmas, so they would have to load everything back in the car and then sit for a very long and formal dinner. Finally he'd get home at the end of the day and actually get to enjoy his presents.

Growing up my parents made Christmas about our family of four. We always went to a church service followed by a huge party with tons of friends on Christmas Eve and then had a great two-part breakfast (scones and coffee/hot chocolate during presents and then eggs, toast, and sausage later) followed by an early dinner (steak, potatoes, green beans). We didn't leave the house and could stay in our pajamas all day if we wanted and had plenty of time to enjoy our presents. We would see our grandparents at other times over break when we weren't focused on our presents.

When we had our first Christmas while dating my husband said one of the main things he'd change with his own family was having a Christmas that he and his wife and kids actually enjoyed. And so we do. Our kids love Christmas and always have and we will respect whatever they want to do when they're older and out of the house. I would rather enjoy my time with my kids than do something because OP says I have to and be miserable.[/quote]

You’re discussing two different things: traveling to your parents and traveling to church and then having guests over. Why can’t you celebrate at home with or without church and also invite your parents (whether or not they accept the invite)? Why does including them make you miserable, but hosting friends on Christmas Eve with a huge party doesn’t? [/quote]

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