Reply to What should college dc be told about our divorce? DH is cheating and leaving to pursue a relationship with his mistress.

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Reply to "What should college dc be told about our divorce? DH is cheating and leaving to pursue a relationship with his mistress."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP I was like you at the demise of my marriage.  Practical and unemotional and logical, just trying to figure out what the best path forward was while trying to minimize the collateral damage to my son as much as I could.  I have never uttered a negative word about his father (well at least not while he was around) and I never lost control during the separation and divorce.  I encouraged a strong relationship with his father and new wife and have always offered to take the back seat for him to spend time with them.

This approach has paid dividends in ways I never imagined.  I am extremely close to my son who is now an adult.  During college I visited as much as he’d allow me to.  His dad started family 2.0 and his focus was with the new family.  So I went for parents weekends and mom’s weekends and fraternity parents weekends and football games and anything and everything I was invited to.  I always offered for him to invite his dad first and if he couldn’t make it I’d go.  His dad could never make it.

The divorce actually strengthened my relationship with my son.  As much as it sucked holding everything in I think it helped my son by not having to deal with a crazy woman who had nothing but bad things to say about his dad.  As much of an idiot as his dad became it’s still his dad and he still loves him very much.  And I encourage that love and relationship all the time.[/quote]

Thanks for this. I hope you came through it all better and stronger.  I've always been mindful that raising an only child necessitated being extra mindful not to trash talk the other parent no matter how pissed I was. I grew up with lots of siblings, as did my STBX. I just knew dc did not have the sibling support system and I always tried to respect and encourage dc's separate relationship with his dad outside the family unit. The opposite is not as true but whatever. I refuse to put our kid  anywhere close to the middle of this mess.[/quote]

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