Reply to Can someone explain the mentality of never being proactive or organized to me?

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Reply to "Can someone explain the mentality of never being proactive or organized to me?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote] Right now she's letting herself get upset at things for which getting upset isn't the only option. [/quote]

Thank you for saying the quiet part out loud. The other option is accepting that her partner just won’t help. Aaaaaand we’re back at the black and white thinking. No middle ground, no let’s find out what works for both people. The bar is as low as you decide it should be. Accept it or be upset, your choice!

I swear, the crumbs on the table people are masters at projection. No one is more controlling than the person who digs in and refuses to act. I have an ex like this. His tag line was “you want to control all the decisions”, when the truth was that the future absolutely paralyzed him, and he couldn’t make decisions, period. But rather than facing that, he lashed out at me. It was way easier than facing his own personal failings. [/quote]

spot on. did you end up getting married? how is it?[/quote]

We didn’t. And I really loved him. I told him that I accepted who he was: someone who was often grumpy, never going to be the life of the party, wasn’t going to kill it professionally. But was also calm, a good planner, loved me, and was steady. I said we both have good and bad qualities. But. I won’t stay in a rental apt forever. I won’t live together unmarried in perpetuity. We had both been married before and there was no baby timeline. But I was upfront that I wanted to he married again and that if he didn’t; it was ok, but I wanted that and needed to move on if he disagreed. He insisted that he did. And then did everything in his power to sabotage that eventual plan, including cheating after proposing. I remember saying, “you just could have broken up with me. Just never proposed, or just called off the engagement. It happens, and people move on”. He couldn’t do it. I had to find all the horrible evidence and call it off myself. The kicker: he still reaches and and still claims to want to marry me. He’s still single, still rents, and has moved three times since then.

It’s deeply, deeply disordered behavior. [/quote]

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