Reply to How does a judge decide custody when all the factors to be considered seem equal?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Girlfriend shouldn’t be your babysitter, not appropriate. [/quote]

+1 your really need to find an afterschool or daycare with extended hours.  Also shuffling your daughter off to your mom a few times a month is not necessarily something she would have to agree too.  You are basically saying for the majority of your awake custody hours your daughter is with your mom or girlfriend.  And that’s because you don’t want to pay your ex wife more.  You obviously have a tight work schedule.  Negotiate with your ex to give her more custody with the caveat that she get a job, even part time.  Play the long game and if you get her working you can adjust child support especially once kid is in school.  Back off the solo grandma visits for now just have her come when you can all spend time together.  It diesnt look good and I’m surprised your lawyer hasn’t mentioned that.  Find a way to work this out.  Neither of you will like the judges take on it.

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This is nuts. Extended daycare would be okay, but letting the kid come home with girlfriend or grandma in the afternoon is not? Please explain your reasoning here.

He doesn’t have to “back off” solo grandma visits. He has every right to let the child have visits with grandma during his time and mom doesn’t have to agree. I can’t imagine a judge interfering with that.[/quote]

ex will say his job hours make him unavailable for childcare for 50/50 custody.  And ex is right.  He has an unpredictable schedule and sometimes works nights and weekends apparently.  He’s relying on his girlfriend (who could be transitory or not) and his mom to be the primary caregivers during his custody time.  Ex can make the case she is better suited to be stable home pretty easily.

But really they should both keep it out of court, because it’s a gamble and expensive and rarely in the best interest of kid.  Op should use his bargaining chip (she wants more time) to get her to get a job and if so he will agree to 60/40.  He’s fighting for something he can’t even handle and it’s going to be very transparent that it’s more about the money than his kids best interest.  [/quote]

OP here. My job hours do not make me unavailable for 50/50 unless you’re making the argument that any parent that works full time shouldn’t have 50/50 custody.

I work 35-38 hours a week on a regular set schedule, but can’t make it to preschool pickup by 5:30. I work on Saturday and Sunday but have two days off during the week where our child does not go to preschool. I am the primary caregiver during my custody time.

My goal is to maintain the parenting time that I’ve always had, not to minimize child support. I would like my ex to also work to support our child and not to be the only working parent but I can’t exactly control that.[/quote]

I am confused about your schedule.  Where is your child on Saturday and Sunday?

Also, why is it ok for you to keep your child out of school on the days you don’t work, but not for her mother to do the same? [/quote]

On Saturday usually with my mom, sometimes after a sleepover on Friday, and I pick up on Saturday evening.

Sunday I only work a half day, so child is usually with my girlfriend out doing something fun and I get home in the afternoon.

It's okay for her to keep the child out of school the days I don't work. We only pay for three days a week.

I do think it's odd that she's been unemployed for over a year and is taking me to court essentially over my girlfriend taking care of our child roughly 12-15 hours a week, but she never seemed to consider pulling her out of preschool while she's not working so that she could take care of her for that 24 hours a week. That makes me think it's not so much about the extra time but just interfering with my household and my time.[/quote]

I don't think it's odd at all for a mother who is at home to choose to keep her child in preschool.  I was a SAHM when my kids were your daughter's age, and they went to preschool, because, like many people, I felt that preschool was important for preparing them for kindergarten. I wouldn't think the same way at all about them being cared for by a babysitter, regardless of who that babysitter was dating.

It sounds as though, during the week she's with you, your daughter spends 24 hours at daycare, 24 hours with your mom, and 12 - 15 hours with your girl friend. That's more than half her waking hours she's in the care of someone else.  Is there a way to redo custody so she's with her mom every Sat/Sun and with you every week on the 2 days you don't work?  That seems much more sensible.

To some degree understand that many of us are playing devils advocate because you seem certain that you're going to win, and we want to make sure you're considering all angles.  But also understand that the court could really go either way.  On one hand, you have a parent that's demanding sole legal custody, and courts don't like having people make demands of that kind.  On the other hand, it's not really clear whether you're setting reasonable boundaries, or just refusing to communicate at all.  Joint legal custody requires communication.  To say "well, if she had my daughter on my week, she just wouldn't be able to reach me." isn't reasonable, because of course if you have sole legal custody and she has your daughter on her week, she'd still need to be able to reach you if a medical decision needed to be made.  So, you probably need to show the court that your "boundaries" don't mean cutting out important communications. [/quote]

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