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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I guess I'm the odd person out because I think this spending is frivolous and wasteful, particularly for a SAHM.  The lunches and coffees make sense because that's good for her mental health.  All the rest can be done at home much more inexpensively.

Did she think she was going to be able to quit her job and not have to adjust the purse strings at all?  [/quote]

She does have a job actually--and it's probably a lot harder than his job. And no, she shouldn't be expected to cut back because she no longer works for an employer. She is a mom, she deserves some breaks and her own spending money, he shouldn't have a say. I think he's cheap and wants to push her to go back to formal employment. [/quote]

Working mom here and I agree. Being an engaged parent 24/7 is a lot of effort. I’m glad OP is recognizing this. I hope he’s also giving her breaks beyond a pedicure here and there.

It’s also way more isolating than working. During my maternity leaves I went to the mall and out for coffee all the time so I had a reason to leave the house that was not going to the park. I would try hard to be respectful of that.

You guys don’t have a very high income to live in Bethesda. This is going to take a lot of vigilance from both of you but it’s not your job to micromanage her. You are still her spouse and NOT her employer. If you aren’t saving enough or whatever ask her to cut back $400 a month or whatever but don’t tell her how to do that. You trust her to care for your kids, can’t you trust her with your SHARED money? You guys need to agree on your goals and then let her deal with her end of it. I got tired of spending $$$ on kids clothes that got ruined but I don’t live in Bethesda anymore so it isn’t weird that my kids wear amazon brand and stuff. She can figure this out.[/quote]

We live in Bethesda on this income just fine. Our kids wear Amazon and Carter’s and Target clothes. OP’s wife is falling victim to lifestyle inflation. You don’t have to waste money, you don’t have to get Botox, you don’t have to have a fresh manicure, you don’t need to have expensive highlights and Botox. You don’t have to spend hundreds on clothes each month to look nice. These are luxuries, not necessities. OP’s wife is used to having more money and needs to adjust, and this has zero to do with living in Bethesda - the pressure exists everywhere. And there’s plenty of practical, frugal people here who don’t feel that a weekly manicure is something a SAHP is entitled to. [/quote]

I’m the PP you are responding to and of course you *can* live on this income in Bethesda but what I said was it’s going to take a lot of effort because the people around you are going to have more. We have double this HHI and live in Rockville for a variety of reasons, one of which is I grew up poorer than all my peers (though not poor, by any stretch of the imagination) and hated it. I don’t know how old your kids are but it gets harder when they are older and asking to do activities and have the same clothes as their friends. If OPs wife goes back to work they will be fine but I doubt that’s a certainty regardless of what she says. [/quote]

Why should she go back to work? What’s with this pressuring women to stop being SAHMs when kids are out of preschool? She probably doesn’t plan to go back to work and that’s more than ok and should be normalized (which thankfully it is nowadays). [/quote]

If she wants to keep spending this way, she has to go back to work. [/quote]

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