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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have one 20-yr-old child and I'm divorced from his dad. Here's how it works: In 2-3 years, the typical highly educated and financially successful DC parent is taking their HS junior around the country on college visits. One year after that, you'll be expected to write a check for anywhere between $50-$90K each year for the following four years of college. You need to be available to fly out to help them if something comes up. Could be anything. Mine broke his arm really badly freshman year and needed major surgery and titanium rods inserted. It was a long recovery. Then two years later, your 14-yr-old will need the same things. And it looks like you'll be paying for two college tuitions at the same time for two years. During this exact same time, you'll be welcoming a brand new baby into the household with a mom for whom this is her first child ever. Remember how confused and bumbling you and your ex were when you brought that tiny infant home? THAT is what you'll be dealing with at the same time that your college kids most need your time and money. Don't forget that daycare costs about as much as public college these days. And it's really not the money that is hardest. It's the emotional labor that your kids require as they apply to colleges and embark on their transition to young adulthood. Oh, and in the meantime, they've got to get through their teen years without too much drama or long term consequences of bad choices. How is your new wife going to feel about you dashing off to be a good dad to your first family while she's struggling with the infant? It's already awkward to have the two bio parents on campus for Family Weekend, so forget throwing your second wife into the mix.

I'd also suggest telling your kids that their inheritance, which used to be 50% of your estate, will not be reduced to 33%. It might shrink even more if she talks you into having two kids with her. Oh, actually, the kids are only getting some percentage of what you don't leave to your second wife. They won't even get their original 50% each.

I would give this same advice to women as well as men. A few months ago I wrote a post about how divorced dads (with unlaunched kids) need to leave the never married and childless women alone.

Google "stepparents" and you'll find dozens of online support groups where people (usually the no kids never married women) lament their decision to marry a divorced dad. These blended families are a hot mess.[/quote]

All of this, 100%. Don't think for a moment that parenting a college age child or young adult isn't time-consuming and expensive. Things come up. Even the really good things like becoming a grandparent are time-consuming and expensive.

And yes, they will likely end up with basically no inheritance. Unless the new wife is wealthy or inherits a lot from her side. OP does not have enough money to fund three kids, his wife's retirement when she outlives him, and anything left over. If OP's kids don't understand this as teens, they'll catch on as young adults. They may not feel they have any right to bring it up or object to it, but it won't make them love their stepmother more.[/quote]

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