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[quote=Anonymous][quote]It's not being selfish or guarded, it is having boundaries. "I'm not giving it away, I am going to continue to search for another buyer until I leave."

+1. As a person who had to learn this skill as an adult, it was important for me to understand that the very nature of my previously boundary-less behavior made boundaries feel like I was being "mean". When your pendulum has always swung so far left, there's a tendency to swing hard right to reset, when the best approach is generally in the middle. And the trick is figuring out why you don't think you deserve courtesy, respect, or however else you define feeling heard. People who are self-assured can say "no" easily, pleasantly, and with no drama. They don't overreact or feel guilt or anger because they understand they're not doing anyone a disservice by protecting themselves. That the world has lots of takers (and lots of generosity too, if you look for it), and recognizing them and responding accordingly doesn't make one a bad person.

The hardest part for me was losing a few long-term friendships I came to realize were largely based on my accommodating behavior that did not benefit me. When I set boundaries those friends were not happy at all, and bailed. I had read a few books on the subject and heeded the advice that people who benefit from using you are not happy when you change the rules, so I was ready for it. But still sad.

It's never too late OP to become someone you're proud of. If this lifetime lesson costs you 2K, maybe it's not truly a loss.[/quote]

I can really relate to this, and you have offered good advice. [/quote]

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