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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I find these responses so hypocritical.  If a man posted ‘I want to downsize our lifestyle so I can spend more time with our kids but my wife says no’ most would support him, many would encourage him to look for a new job anyway.  They have plenty of money.  She can take a year off with the baby.  She can find a lower paying job later.  He can stay or he can look for a different sugar mama.  [/quote]

I've asked my work addict spouse to downshift jobs and be more present and involved with the house, family and kids for years. He refused. Nothing to do with money. Had to do with his ego, and as the years went by, it was clear he had zero interest in maintaining a house & property or parenting or disciplining the children.

So I guess he gets what he wants. Work, work travel, rest at home when home.

I kept working. No way would I stay at home for an ungrateful, selfish prick. I continue to be an active parent, work, spend daily quality time with the kids, plus manage any housekeepers or nannies or drivers. Plus all our our social friends and schedules/activities.

It's all a PITA and not what I signed up for to do ALONE. it's not how my, very successful businesman father, treated my mom or us kids. But it's all this work addict spouse of mine can and will do. So now his job is to make and much money as possible, bring it home, and we use some and invest the rest. I also make a lot of money, but in a more stable and flexible job in an industry I've been in for 25+ years. But I deeply regret marrying who I married. And I worry for my children, who doesn't. Whelp, my husband doesn't.

OP has a plan. Downshift jobs, raise the kids, have a more family friendly job. 
Her husband has NO plan. He's pitter pattering around in academia, and at a very low level. No plan. No goals. some talk, zero action. 
With the help of a smart therapist, turning off the extra cash flow, and getting the husband on a better earning track, they could all be a lot happier than making OP be a slave to a stressful high income job.

I still every day wish I had an average income, but involved and caring spouse and father to the children. Instead I have a high income negligent one. [/quote]

My husband and I both earn about $150k annually, and he is an involved and caring father to the children, who are young. After they go to  bed he watches TV, gets drunk, and is a jerk to me. I have a lot of regrets. [/quote]

My dh earns 180 but has a lot of flexibility due to seniority and technical expertise.  I really need his help with our 3 kids so I would never want him to go to a higher paying job with more hours which is probably possible.   And the kids need their dad.  It’s lonely enough being a parent, a nanny is not the same as a partner.  I earn half that but work part time, gave up my dream career for one that is more family friendly.   I think op should downsize their lifestyle without giving up dh’s parenting involvement, money isn’t everything.  We all pair up to procreate and raise children together.  You need both parents to do this, or it’s really tough on one person and the marriage. [/quote]

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