Reply to Caught 13 YO DD drinking w/ friends, how to handle

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[quote=Anonymous]I was in a similar crowd at the same age: sleepovers were only for the purpose of sneaking out, walking to a boy’s house, hooking up, and drinking. This was in the 90s and I was in FCPS schools so I know what I’m  talking about. My parents were absolutely clueless and my dad was in law-enforcement, go figure. Nowadays, I feel like there’s absolutely no excuse to not know where your kids are, every tracking device in the world is available to you even if your kid does not have a smartphone. Put an apple ID tag, somewhere in her backpack where she won’t know where it is, sew it into the seams if you have to. If she has a smartphone, check it nightly and start getting savvy with how to search for things they delete. Look it up on YouTube. Absolutely no social media, period.

I think my parents had a lot of trust in me and blindly figured I had more sense, but nobody in adolescence has enough willpower to resist the popular crowd and every “activity” they deem popular. I actually didn’t like most of the things I went along with, especially stealing from the mall, but I did it because I craved being a part of this friend group. I sincerely hope your daughter is in the same boat, where her moral compass is actually guiding her differently than her actions are telling. Rather than punishing her you need to appeal to her inner compass and ask her what she truly feels is right and wrong behavior. Her answers will tell you what to do next: clamp down, therapy, make more time/emotional space in your life for her, moving schools, banning friends, etc.

I think a lot of the reason people on here are being so critical of you is because it sounds like you have been an absent parent, and even if you have been, that doesn’t mean you will continue to be. The way you respond to THIS situation is going to prove what type of parent you are. Good luck, and just be grateful it was not a lot worse before you found out. You now have the information to do something about it before she ends up pregnant, overdosed, or worse. [/quote]

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