Reply to About to Jump Off a Ledge Over Upcoming MIL Visit, Please Talk Me Down

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a similar MIL (and DH). I spend a lot of time in my room when MiL is visiting (she thinks I am a lazy being who goes to bed early and gets up late). I lock my door when I am in my room (and tell my kids to knock and I’ll let them in). I ignore as much as I can but yes I am seething at the end of day 1 much less the entire 2 week visit. Mine doesnt drive so she is dependent on me/us to pick up foods etc so I dont buy foods she cooks other than for a couple of nights of her visit. I commiserate, OP. [/quote]

Why don’t you stand up to your MIL?[/quote]
People who make these kinds of comments probably have not had the joy of dealing with these types of women. [/quote]

So your response is, "it's just too difficult?"  OK, cower in your room.  Just pathetic.  [/quote]

I’ve had more than 25 years of dealing with this. MIL is pushy, demanding and controlling. She gaslights or goes on the offensive when one calls her out on her behavior. That often turns into ugly arguments and stress for everyone including my kids. So yes, I do prefer to take time for myself in an area of the house that MIL can’t enter versus exposing my kids and myself to that environment.

The option I could take is to divorce DH, because as much as he, too, isn’t happy when his mother is around, he like everyone around her was raised to give in to her demands. But I have no reason to want to do that other than these MIL visits. I’d rather spend that time dealing in a way that lets me not get so triggered, doesn’t expose my kids to ugly behavior, and keeps my marriage intact.

In my professional life I’m an assertive litigator. In my personal life I’m an equal partner and strong parental figure. My MIL would wear down anyone, and it is easy to judge from the outside (especially if you don’t have people like her in your life). [/quote]

Assuming that you are the OP (it would help if you could identify yourself as such), you must realize how unacceptable this behavior is in the United States. It is beyond me why "an assertive litigator" cannot defend her sanity. People are going to call "troll" on you being "an assertive litigator". However, if it is true, that must give you an idea of how crazy your own enabling behavior is.

And the passive aggressiveness is also quite undignified.

What kind of crazy, backwoods culture are you from?[/quote]

I'm OP and that was a different poster, although even I thought for a moment I had written it!  I'm not a litigator, though, although I'm not considered passive aggressive or passive at all in the work world.  And yes, it's a backwoods culture.  I'm not going to say which one and bring all kinds of hate down onto a whole group of people, [b]just because my MIL sucks.[/b][/quote]

Here's part of the problem, OP - it isn't just that your MIL sucks.  You husband sucks, and sad to say, so do you.  And you are teaching your kids to suck too.  [/quote]

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