Reply to are 3+ kid families becoming more common?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Looking at everyone I know, I’d guess it is like this:

50% 2 DC
25% 3 DC
20% 1 DC
5%  4+ DC

I also know an absolute ton of couples that are childless by choice, or single people who never married or want to marry.

Most of the families I know with one DC didn’t plan on just one (for those who have said)…more commonly fertility issues or divorce/single parent.

A lot of the families with 3+ are due to an “oops”. I had a friend who had an oops #3 that turned into 3 & 4! twins. LOL.

I’d still say 2 seems to be the default.

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Agree that a LOT Of the 3+ kid families are oops babies, or include multiples. I know two families that had oops triplets. [/quote]

How on earth would you not have figured out how fertility and birth control work after having two kids? I suspect many of the people claiming #3 was an oopsie intended to have 3 all along and just need a way to justify it. [/quote]

I actually told a lot of people this when I was pregnant with #3. I didn’t want their judgement and jealousy. [/quote]

This doesn't really make sense. I'd think people's reactions would be more harsh if you said #3 was an oopsie. I mean, look at how feisty the people on this board are being about it. [/quote]

To be honest you are not me so you really have no idea what my day-to-day lived experiences are. I’ve had people who I work with (all women) say nasty things, like having three is showing off and that having three is fine, but I shouldn’t have four. At work.[/quote]
I have 3 and I have the same experience. People are weird about 3 kids. Actually no, women are weird about 3 kids. Men and old people are generally happy for you when you have your third child, but women get weird, like it’s somehow excessive to have three.[/quote]

To be fair, I think this is because women tend do do a lot more of the work of parenting when kids are young, so I think this is sometimes a knee jerk reaction of "omg that sounds so hard to me." I think men are less likely to have that reaction because they don't viscerally understand what it's like to be a parent to three kids. Men with SAHMs tend to be particularly chill about this.

I think when a woman who is a similar age and has similarly aged kids to you responds to news of baby #3, it usually 90% her just imagining what that would feel like for her. Some women will think it sounds great but many will think it sounds overwhelming and stressful, and that's why their reaction is "weird."[/quote]
Meh I think the simpler answer is that polls show many women in that demographic would like more children than they have, and for whatever reason - lifestyle/age/fertility - they stopped at one or two children. Then when a friend has a third, the sentiment is sort of “I had to make this difficult choice or nature made it for me” to limit family size and they aren’t ‘happy’ for your pregnancy like men and old people.[/quote]

Oh gosh please no one is jealous that you have three kids. People choose one or two kids for many reasons and are very content with their choice. Nobody cares if you’re having a third and yes they probably feel sorry for you because three kids is a lot of work! I know because I have three! [/quote]

+1, maybe a generation ago this might have been true sometimes but not now. Parenting is more expensive and labor intensive. I don't know anyone who wanted 3 or more but didn't have them. I do know two couples who wanted two, got twins with their second, and while they live their kids, are open about the fact that this wasn't the plan.[/quote]

I think these comments are proving the PP’s point. People are limiting their family size now because parenting is expensive as far as money and time. For many families, the calculation of how many kids is based on lack of family help, cost of childcare, logistics of continuing to have 2 parents work full time, etc. It’s a lot different to say I’m stopping for all these reasons than I’m stopping at 1 or 2 because that is the exact number of kids our family wants regardless.

I can see how people out there who stopped at 2 because of their resource limits, but maybe in a perfect world would have had another kid or 2, would give a weird response to learning someone else is having another kid. [/quote]

PP here and you misunderstand my comment. Yes resources are a consideration but my broader point is that parenting works differently now and most families I know do not want three kids because it would make it hard for them to parent the way they want to or the way they think is necessary to successfully launch kids. Not just "oh we don't want to pay for three college educations" but everything -- less time and focus and energy and a concern that kids today require more support and encouragement. And then if you have one high needs kid (for any reason, whether special needs or medical issues or mental health concerns or maybe they are very advanced and need more challenge or private school or whatever) that's going to make it even harder.

Not saying it's not possible but I think the number of families who really feel like they can give three or more kids all they want to give them (and then also maybe have something left for themselves, their marriage, their social life) is not large. Which is why fewer people have 3+ kids now than they used to.[/quote]

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