Reply to Millennials feel 'abandoned' by parents not available to help raise grandkids: 'Too busy'

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This just so does not resonate for me.  All the boomer grandparents I know would loose to spend more time with their grandkids.  My neighbor has offered. to watch her granddaughter as many days as possible but the mom thinks it’s better for the child to have consistency in childcare (which is fine).  I know lots of millennials who want to limit the grandparents time or really control how/when etc.  My sister who is a boomer flies to her kids houses all the time to help out if one parent is traveling or they want to take a kid free vacation.
I do wonder if people are making it really hard for their parents to care for the kids by putting a ton of restrictions on it.  My grandmother watched me almost daily.  Did she do it the way my mom would have wanted?  Probably not.  I are a LOT of pudding and she let me watch some questionable TV.  But it was fine.  You have to be a little flexible and not treat your parents like employees.  I definitely see some millennials who would rather pay someone they can micromanage than let their parents have some leeway.  My approach is to set out some basic safety standards (careers, sleeping on back, etc.). But otherwise let it go. [/quote]

This!! Barely boomer here, 59. We work f-t still but do watch and spend time with our grandchildren often. We live close, enjoy them and want to create memories. Daughter is SAHM w/ a PHD, which is FINE but stop complaining about money. When we have the kids, there are so many rules. We can't have the news on, any programs we watch together have to be previously approved, they don't like them around some family members for stupid reasons, have to approve our friends who come by (it seems by comments made by the kids). The older ones read ingredients on everything we feed them. I do cook very healthy and mostly have adjusted but it IS A LOT and we get tattled on. We are made to feel like the children sometimes and it's ridiculous but it's still, "We need a break" and they get help. Let us be the grandparents. Let us keep them alive like we did you. UGH!![/quote]

Wow.  That’s one obnoxious woman probably raising obnoxious kids.   I don’t know if I could do it.    My mother came to my house and I left.  She’s their grandmother not my employee.  Did your daughter forget that you raised her and did a good job?   It’s not harmful to have different rules for grandparents.   It’s healthy.  [/quote]

That's the way we feel too. The kids are young still, home schooled semi-isolated so we'll see how things change as they grow older. They are great parents in most ways but they have forgotten how great it was to grow up with all the freedoms they enjoyed. The kids are well behaved and respectful. They are doing a lot right but shouldn't make things so extremely difficult for those who want to be in their children's lives.[/quote]

There are two sides to this. Sorry that I'm not okay with my kids coming over, watching nonstop TV for hours, eating unlimited desserts, juice and Diet Coke (who gives Diet Coke to toddlers?!). Then the kids come back to parents and they're crazed out of their minds. Can't grandparents take time out of their busy TV watching schedules to even play with kids? What's the point of even seeing the kids to just sit and binge TV with them.

My kids are so well behaved and love to play. Why are you trying to go out of your way to disrupt things? My FIL gave my toddler dessert (pie) and hot chocolate for breakfast and when I said we should wait and have that later, he told me it was his job to spoil. I packed the kids in the car and left. Grandparents aren't there to undermine parents, they're there to be another set of loving adults to bond with. [/quote]

I do feel like part of the problem is that grandparents are not as skilled as they used to be. My memories of grandparents are doing chores with them or driving to do chores, learning new skills, helping out in the kitchen, talking, celebrating, playing sports, and attending events. Also, a lot of cousin time with them just being available as babysitters. It's really the screens and the food that cause the most problems. If the grandparents were as engaged as their parents, they wouldn't get as much flack for their unstructured time with kids.
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