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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s not one plane ticket. It’s food out and bigger Ubers and bigger accommodations and additional excursions costs……. Just like you women where don’t want to see your MIL all the time or have her include herself in your family events all the time, we want to spend time with our family/our kids without you as well especially if you are expecting me to pay for your full ride while pushing me out of my sons life. [/quote]

With that attitude, no doubt your son and his future partner will not want you in their life.  Loving parents want to see their kids with their spouses/partners/Significant others, especially on vacation.  Only reason a parent should expect to see just their kid (once a partner is involved) is if it's a guys event or a girls only event (ie: dad and son are going to a sporting event just the 2 of them).   But if it's both parents, then you invite the couple, not just your kid.

Keep that attitude up and you won't be seeing much of your grandkids either in the future. [/quote]

Wait, so if I am a 40yo female who routinely goes out to dinner with just my dad about every other month, is that wrong?[/quote]

You're not the "only one," but your kind is an increasingly rare breed. Most young women these days aren't going to engaged in this infantilized sh*t. My husband has a phone and a calendar and he can make plans with his family. I'm happy to discuss plans and logistics, but I'm not initiating anything for his family. It's up to him. I support him seeing his family, I support our kids seeing them, but I ALSO honor the fact that he finds them to be controlling, with unreasonable expectations, and I support him in finding a balance and not indulging their outsized expectations or their guilt-tripping antics. I support my husband first and foremost.

Obviously not....don't twist things around.  But if you go to dinner with both your parents weekly or multiple times per week without your spouse (unless it's okay with spouse/they don't want to go) then yes I would think there might be issues.   If my parents did NOT want to see my spouse and only want to see me and the grandkids, then they wouldn't see any of us much.  Same with my ILs.  [/quote]

Going somewhat unsaid here … it is VERY common for the husband to rely on the wife to do all family event scheduling, even with his family. I can’t be the only woman whose DH would rarely see his mom except for me scheduling it. And I also make significant efforts for DS to see his paternal relatives. A MIL who wants to see her DS and grandkids would be a total idiot to exclude the DIL because the DIL is the gatekeeper (whether DIL signed up for that or not …)

That said, a rational DIL is not going to begrudge her husband having dinner with his mom alone every once in a while.  But that’s different from an entire vacation. [/quote][/quote]

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