Reply to Would you confront your husband/wife's Emotional Affair lover?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I recently had an EM affair to the point I was willing to take it physical.  However, the other man just liked the flirting and attention the EA brought but was not willing to take it to the next level.

Just because your spouse may be deeply involved or hung up on another person, doesn't necessarily mean the other person is in the same boat.  It would be pointless to contact the other person.  The real issue is what is going on between you and your spouse that led them to seek intimacy else where.  If you fix that issue, you will fix your marriage and the EA will end.

That's what happened in my case. [/quote]

Nope.  The real issue is the hole in your character.

[b]Seriously, do any people who have had affairs or come close even read the studies on infidelity?  Or do they just prefer to hide their bad decisions behind a "issues in the marriage" rationalization?  Because, person who almost had an affair, unless you deal with the serious character flaw YOU have, you are almost doomed to repeat your behavior the next time you feel like it.  Get yourself into therapy with a competent therapist[/b].[/quote]

You know nothing about me other than the above post.  You must be a real bitch or a dick (which ever applies) to judge people so quickly.

I am not perfect but I did not have the physical affair and I ended the emotional affair to work on my marriage and focus on my family.  I think that does speak of my character.

FYI:  The topic is whether or not the other person in the EA should be contacted.  My answer was no because that person may not have the same feelings as your spouse. [/quote]

Wait.  [b]You said earlier that you were ready to take it physical, but your EA partner rejected that proposition.  And now you want the credit for ending the affair? [/b] That kind of proves my point about rationalization.  Actually, that one is probably just a wholesale rewriting of history.  Which in fact does speak of your character, but apparently not as you might hope. [/quote]

As I stated, the man was happy with the flirting and attention but did not want to make it physical.  I could have continued with the emotional affair because he did not feel like it was cheating as long as we were just talking.  However, like I said, I decided to break all ties with the man.  I felt our conversations had crossed the line and had become too intimate.  I examined where I was at and I made a decision to rebuild my relationship with my husband and focus more on my family.  To do so, I could not continue any type of friendship with the other man because it was draining the emotional reservoir I needed to give to my DH.  To end the entire relationship and not continue with an emotional affair was my decision, not the other man.

Try not to rush to so many conclusions and read too deep into other people's lives.  I'm sure you are reading this and trashing other people to avoid the issues in your own life.
[/quote]

Not the PP you were previously arguing with, though I agree with her.

So, your conversations crossed the line.  It's good that you apparently realized that.  But you don't think that when you were "willing to take it physical", it got too far?  Because it honestly sounds like maybe you ended it because you felt rejected at that point, and now you're backtracking to make yourself sound like this upstanding wife and person, when, in reality, you should have been working on your marriage instead of seeking intimate attention of any kind from someone else.  [/quote]

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