Reply to AITA: Getting crap for not attending a Friday wedding because we have no childcare

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Reply to "AITA: Getting crap for not attending a Friday wedding because we have no childcare"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You are definitely TA for not trying to solve this problem and find childcare.  This is what care.com is for - you find someone vetted and trustworthy and pay a bit extra for one night.  Or [b]you could have asked your mom or one of your regular babysitters to take a day of PTO and paid extra for that[/b] - did you try that?

Honestly your whole vibe is that you don't care to attend and you didn't really try to figure this out.  But blaming it on the wedding being childfree is dumb.  Most events are childfree, and weddings are more important than most events.[/quote]

You are a TA for suggesting this. I would not hire a rando from the internet to watch my kids overnight either. You are a dumbass. [/quote]

I mean, the OP and her husband have three months.  That seems like enough time to interview several people and find someone.  [/quote]

What? BIL and SIL have 3 months. OP isn't going to the wedding, and therefore doesn't need childcare. [/quote]
+1
I don't see why OP and her spouse are supposed to go to all that effort for a cousin's inconveniently scheduled wedding when they already have a solution.  [/quote]

I guess that the BIL is going through a lot of effort as well.  He is flying in with two little kids.  
If you don’t put in the effort sometimes, then you never see your siblings.  [/quote]
BIL will see his brother, who is going to the wedding.  He can hire a babysitter, which he was apparently fine with doing when he thought OP was going to handle it.  [/quote]

exactly. this is all about the family catering to useless BIL. BIL cannot figure out how to care for his own children when his wife isn’t doing it. [/quote]

Wait, what?  
I’m a woman and I would do this too.  If I was flying home, near where my brother and his wife live, for a family wedding, the first thing I would do is call my brother and see if he was planning to go to the wedding and what his childcare plans were.

If they said they weren’t going, I would probably reconsider whether or not I wanted to go, and might even wait a day or two before I started looking for alternative childcare.  Why did he have to figure this out last night or he is inept?  [/quote]

As a woman you’d probably ask your SIL in a socially appropriate way, and probably never expect her to a) personally watch 4 kids under 5 so you could go to the wedding or b) hire a rando sitter on rural care.com. And the second she indicated reluctance you’d back off.

Actually as a woman you’d most likely not even think for a second flying to attending solo a *kid free wedding* with a 1 year old and 3 year old. You’d RSVP no, and then your BIL and MIL would gossip about how difficult you were and how “kids are easy at that age!”[/quote]

Uhmm…there is no way I would call my SIL about this.  I would ask my brother.  And I wouldn’t suggest that she watch all of the kids, but I might suggest hiring a sitter somewhere near the venue so that we could all go.

And I have flown solo with a 1 and 3 year old to visit family members.    [/quote]

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