Reply to Husband stopping at random dive bars for one beer?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
The "random" and "dive" parts are what puzzle me. I can see having a favorite "third place" spot he finds relaxing and a good bridge from work to home, and having a beer there occasionally. (If it's every workday? Yeah, that could be a bigger problem of needing a drink rather than needing a break.) But going to different, random places all the time--unless he's maybe a beer lover who wants to check out different places' microbrews or whatever? -- seems a bit off. And I'm not sure how OP defines a "dive bar" here. Sometimes that really just means cool and funky and not pretentious, but for me it can also mean in a sketchy area that's maybe not a good idea. I'd talk to him about it, not about the need for the break per se, but more about why it seems like such a restless, unfocused choice of places to stop. [/quote]

God forbid an adult male who works at various hospitals should have even a single moment in which he is allowed to be restless and unfocused. His entire life has to be prescribed and rigidly controlled by someone else, I suppose.[/quote]

JFC, if your spouse controls you that's too bad but you're projecting that here. Of course he can be unfocused. OP is not trying to "rigidly control" him, [b]she just doesn't get the randomness of this, as opposed to having some regular watering hole or favorite decompression spot like many people would[/b]. She's not trying to tell him he only must drink at one particular place, FFS. I'd just wonder if he was under some kind of terrible stress at work that needed more than a 15-minute stop in a bar to deal with it. [/quote]

She has already said that he works at multiple different hospitals.  He doesn't have the same work schedule or pattern every day.  HE doesn't work at the same place every day.  It's hard to create a routine when your schedule varies day to day.  He typically finds a random place on the way between where he worked that day and home.  So you are saying just for her strange controlling nature that he needs to drive out of his way just to comfort her?  He probably finds someplace close by where he worked that day, but she wants him to find a regular watering hole and rather than stopping when its convenient or when he's just left work, he has to drive a long distance and possibly out of his way to find a place that she thinks is better for her peace of mind, than for his relaxation.  That's definitely controlling whether you think it is or isn't.

He's an adult not her teenage son.  Stop micromanaging something that is not a problem nor is it unusual.[/quote]

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