Reply to Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she has no say when my kids come over?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My kids father and I are married.  We expect our kids to let us know when they’re coming home with people.  Just like I let my husband know if I’m having  friends over and he does the same. Common courtesy to the people you share a home with.

And for what it’s worth, my kids know, and I mean really know that they are always my top priority. For my spouse, over my job, over my friends, over everything.  And at the same time, they know that they are expected to behave in a civil, respectable way. In our case, that includes all of us, letting each other know if we are having guests to the house, and if my kid who doesn’t live at home anymore is coming by, at least to text ahead. This is really not a big deal. It’s the basic civility we have for the people who share a home.

Honestly, I would think that your kids would want you to be in a solid, happy relationship in which your partner feels comfortable. I would feel completely weirded out by showing up unannounced to our house, where someone lived two wasn’t my parent or sibling, it would just seem super rude and weird, even if it was the house I grew up in.

Having read your various responses, I actually think your girlfriend will be far better off without you.  Have you even thought to ask your kids what they think? God I would hate to think of either of my parents losing a girlfriend or a boyfriend and potential partner because they didn’t want me to call ahead before coming home. Honestly, I would just think my parent was looking for an excuse to break up our relationship.  [/quote]

DP, and FWIW I am not divorced but I am the child of one and had/have good relationships with my stepparents (one is deceased).

1) The dynamic when the parents are divorced and the person requesting the change is the new partner makes this situation different

2) The situation is different because a lifelong norm has been established. Breaking a lifelong norm is different from continuing a lifelong norm. My mom would look at me like I had 10 heads if I knocked on her door. There isn't anything wrong with a family for whom this is not the norm, but you cannot act like changing the way this family has operated for most of its existence would not have an impact[/quote]

I have college age kids too and this is exactly it!  I could never imagine my kids having to knock on my door.  I live in the home they grew up in which is still their home.  Their college houses are their temporary residences when they are at school.  I’m divorced and the kids split their time between houses when they’re back but come and go as they please.  That’s just what we do in my family.  [/quote]

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