Reply to Explain to me the financial risk of SAH if partner is a high earner

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Lots of good comments, thank you.

While I think the point about a power differential is a good one, what is overlooked is that the differential can exist even  if I continue working. There is no man making 2M+ who cares about his wife’s 100K job FOR THE MONEY. He might respect her drive and her accomplishments (as my DH does) but if he saw it as “his” money vs “mine” (he does not and very much regards it as “ours”) the power difference would still be there FOR SURE. An income of 100k, especially after taxes, is basically nothing relative to 2M+.

Also to those who say it’s better to “earn equally and contribute equally”: I used to feel the same way, and not that long ago (when we first got married) we DID earn pretty equally. But now we don’t. Am I supposed to wish he didn't make so much money? Or is he actually supposed to change career paths to be on the same lower footing as I am? None of that would make sense to me (and I cannot imagine a man asking a woman to make less money so they remained equal!!)

There is definitely nothing as secure as remaining employed. But it is feeling as if the risk can be mitigated with some smart decision making.

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OP, where does his income go? Do you have access/equal rights to the accounts? Do you have investments/RE/own solo 401k beside liquid accounts? Hate to repeat that, but while I was waiting for divorce to be finalized, my exH emptied all joint accounts (at a rate of $150k/month for 2 years!). He also cashed his 401k (his company allowed to take lumpsum at certain age) and move it abroad as well.I only got a good settlement because we had a lot of RE (so I've got higher equity in RE).

If there are no joint illiquid assets in the US, you're screwed. Insurance beneficiaries, 401k under his control, college accounts - in a bitter divorce it will all evaporate. High earner men are also very vile during divorce, they fight fiercely to ensure you get nothing. My ex lost himself on cashing his 401k, but he still did it so I wouldn't get half of annuity.  [/quote]

This sounds completely crazy  and like a black swan event.  Most people don’t have offshore accounts and wouldn’t liquidate a 401k for the tax consequence.

You obviously had a terrible lawyer if your husband was able to remove $150k a month from joint accounts for 2 years.  There is legal action you can take to stop him doing that.

OP should know if she’s married to someone with borderline personality disorder.  [/quote]

I would think it's a book worthy story if it wasn't my own divorce experience. Believe me, any non-working woman should have something tangible she has an easy claim and title to here in the US. In Muslim world the wife wears her diamonds: she can simply sell them if he kicks her out.[/quote]

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