Reply to This is the first year in 13 years that I have completely dropped the rope with DH’s family

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]After a horrific blow up last spring in which I was blamed and made the scapegoat. In the summer I said to him, no more. I don’t mind seeing them but you will do 100% of the hosting and need to be home for 100% of their visit- taking off work if necessary.

Therefore, for the holidays this year we are:

Not seeing or hosting them (he never planned it)

Not exchanging adult gifts (he decided he didn’t want to do it despite me saying that for years)

Also, he was in charge of giving them all the kids gift ideas as they want specific links to things to buy for the kids and want to chose from the options. He keeps complaining about this and it’s unclear if he’s done it as of today (I have provided these links the last 13 years).

I feel so free and happier than I have been in years! Why didn’t I do this earlier?!

I will one day advise my adult daughter- do not do the work for the husbands family, make him step up and do it. You cannot win. If you do it well, no one seems to care and you have just done a ton of work. If you mess up, you’ll be criticized. None of this is good for your marriage or yourself.

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I have been married for 34 years, so take my opinions as you will.  55 years old.  Adult kids and now grandkids. The advise you plan to give your daughter sucks.  My husband's family IS my family.  My family IS his family.  To be honest, you sound kinda awful.  The kind of behaviors you listed do not bode well for a long, happy marriage.  Be sure to prepare for life as a single mother in case I'm right.  [/quote]

You give yourself away with the last line.  Women like you think that getting and staying married is the ultimate prize.  For many of us, marriage, without an equal relationship, is a booby prize and we'd just as well be single mothers rather than having to treat our husbands as incapable children.[/quote]

“You give yourself away”? What does that mean? [/quote]

You post one thing but really mean another.  The poster makes it sound like this is about recognizing family, but she is worried about ending up alone.[/quote]

...because she got married at 21 and has no options but to do her husband's bidding.
But she feels confident enough to provide marriage advice here. [/quote]

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