Toggle navigation
Toggle navigation
Home
DCUM Forums
Nanny Forums
Events
About DCUM
Advertising
Search
Recent Topics
Hottest Topics
FAQs and Guidelines
Privacy Policy
Your current identity is: Anonymous
Login
Preview
Subject:
Forum Index
ยป
Family Relationships
Reply to "Sister recently said our Stepdad sexually abused her"
Subject:
Emoticons
More smilies
Text Color:
Default
Dark Red
Red
Orange
Brown
Yellow
Green
Olive
Cyan
Blue
Dark Blue
Violet
White
Black
Font:
Very Small
Small
Normal
Big
Giant
Close Marks
[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]S[b]exual abuse has been happening for an eternity in many, many families. It's only recently that it's been uncovered as having lasting damaging effects on children, and on their adult lives and relationships. No one really cared until now. [/b] I don't think it's helpful to respond in horror or shock or to try to make out the stepfather into a predator and monster. I think it's helpful to figure out a way forward so that we don't keep passing on trauma to vulnerable people. And as an outsider, it's very easy to judge OP for having doubts about his sister's story. But that's not helpful either. OP, your sister did a very hard and brave and honorable thing by telling you. It's important that you keep your children away from your stepdad, even if that makes things uncomfortable. It's also important, in case you haven't already, to talk to your children about personal safety regarding their bodies in an age appropriate manner. Also, tell your wife the situation. I promise, that not talking about these things is what keeps these things going.[/quote] For real? Outside of May _December sort of marriges?[/quote] There have been studies that show that 1/4 of girls were sexually abused before the age of 14. The fact that we are all of a sudden considering those who inflict this abuse some type of horrific aberration is not doing us any favors in preventing future abuse from happening. It's good that we now are aware and cognizant that sexual abuse causes lasting trauma and long term damage. It's not good that we are acting as if it is some perverse anomaly that happens rarely. It's not going to help solve the problem.[/quote] I hear a lot of saying what not to do, but what do you suggest instead?[/quote] DP. Lots of things, but it'll likely never completely go away and it definitely won't stop overnight. Some things are large scale, like prosecuting rape cases, believing women/children, processing rape kits, not sweeping sexual harassment under the rug, not electing pedophiles, mandatory sex education (it's freaking biology-we learn the life cycle of a frog in first grade but so many people don't know that babies and urine don't come out of the same hole), empowering women through equal pay and job opportunities, basically all the things that should be normal but we consider an unreachable ideal. In individual families and people, we need to educate ourselves about who is at risk and who presents risks (hint: it's not stranger-danger), not treating sex and bodies like they're shameful and something to be hidden, empowering kids to feel comfortable saying no/not to blindly accept authority, teaching kids not to keep secrets from parents, not accepting men treating women like objects, educating children about sex (reproduction, consent, bodily autonomy), not forcing children to hug and kiss people they don't want to. That's just a start. Basically, treat people, including children, like their bodies and their feelings matter. Not excusing men who think their feelings, sexual desires, and need to exert power over others matters more. Empowering vulnerable people to be able to stand up for themselves. Creating a safe space for people who are assaulted to report crimes and ensuring consequences for people who commit crimes. Teaching everyone that consent matters-men that they need to obtain consent and women that they need to give consent. [/quote]
Options
Disable HTML in this message
Disable BB Code in this message
Disable smilies in this message
Review message
Search
Recent Topics
Hottest Topics