Reply to Women expecting other women to be in charge of all holidays/logistics/family dynamics

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Women expecting other women to be in charge of all holidays/logistics/family dynamics"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]I don't understand the people who say that if it wasn't for the women the men would just not do any of this and there would be no Thanksgiving. [/b]

My husband is making the turkey and gravy. But also just this morning my 13 year old son was talking about how much he is looking forwad to thanksgiving.  This year he is making the pumpkin pie.

I have daughters who have dish assignments too, and I ended up doing all the rest of the sides and most of the table set up.  But it is a whole family activity to host a bunch of our extended family.

If it was left up to my husband, we would have just about everything that we have planned except perhaps the brussels sprouts.  [/quote]

You don't understand that in the overwhelming majority of American families, especially GenX and older, holidays are considered women's work?  Seriously?

Even scarier: you don't understand that people are different than you?[/quote]

NP. Can you please site your source for the “overwhelming majority of American families…women’s work” statement? I ask as my husband is literally on the way to the grocery store now to get rutabagas and pie crust ingredients—he makes mashed rutabagas, cranberry orange relish, and a pumpkin pie literally from scratch—as in from a pie pumpkin—every year. He also has a list of Christmas dishes that he will make without fail.[/quote]

Slow clap for you and the PPs on this thread who have better husbands than the rest of us.  That's really what your comment is about, isn't it?

Asking for a source that holiday planning and execution typically falls to women in American society is just... I have no words.[/quote]

I mean, you’re speaking for all of “American society,” so you must have some type of source for that statement, which you are making as a given statement of fact.

And yes, it is nice that I have a good husband who treats me as an equal partner, models family dynamics as a shared responsibility for our kids, and does the basics to celebrate birthdays, holidays and vacations with his family. Pretty basic stuff, really. [/quote]

I said "the overwhelming majority of American families, especially GenX and older" - I stand by that.  Sources are only needed for things that aren't obviously known.

It's ironic that you and other PPs are claiming to be post-gender roles, and yet here you are, crapping on other women whom you perceive have "lesser" husbands than you do.  Again, slow clap for you.  [/quote]

Keep “slow-clapping”…maybe the ‘90s will come back!

I’m not “crapping” on other women for having lesser husbands. I am calling out women who perpetuate paternalistic dynamics by not only willingly taking on all the family/emotional labor, but modeling that for their children. Let me be clear: you are just as much a part of the problem as “hapless,” disengaged men are. [/quote]

And let me be clear: you're smug and misogynist.  Take it elsewhere.  Putting other women down under the guise of honesty is utter garbage.[/quote]

Do better.[/quote]

How?  By "calling out women"?  What BS.

Fundamentally, I don't think this PP and the others bragging about their husbands have even read the thread.  MOST women on here are complaining about the *expectation* that they do it all, not saying they do it all.  We're saying, hey, we didn't ask for this unfair expectation and we won't take it on.

And we deserve to be "called out" over what someone else expects of us?  At least read the freaking thread before you dump on people posting here.[/quote]

There have been plenty of posters on here who say this dynamic bothers them, but that they “just give in and do it anyway.” And then there’s this gem:
“I’m in my mid 30s and I do this because I’m just too tired to play dumb. Y’all husbands don’t text back or do their fair share of this stuff. I don’t blame you but I’m not gonna waste my time.”

Like, this woman is knowingly bothering other women even though their husbands are the ones who should at least be the point people for making basic plans with their own damn families. You really should go back and read the thread.[/quote]

I said "most."  Not all.  Most.  You cherry-picked several egregious examples for the purpose of putting down other women.  Also, consider that the women who do give in and do it anyway are probably exhausted - maybe try a little compassion instead of criticizing them.

And to a different PP - no one is criticizing women who don't do these things, we're pointing out the hypocrisy in pretending to be "confused" about this dynamic, implying how modern and feminist one is, with the sole intent of putting down other women.  What in the actual?[/quote]

[b]I have no compassion for women who willingly perpetuate patriarchal dynamics. [/b]All they have to do is say no. No one on this thread is making mashed potatoes at gunpoint. Stand up for yourselves and be a better role model to your kids. [/quote]

Being so judgmental of other women isn't an improvement, PP.[/quote]

I agree with PP though.  Women continue to enable men and support the patriarchy.  Just don’t do it.  I’m not kidding I haven’t even talked about thanksgiving with my husband.  No one can force me to cook a meal and if they do then I can call the police.  [/quote]

Yes, and blaming women for the continuance of the patriarchy is a winning strategy. :roll:

Contempt is contempt, no matter which gender slings it.[/quote]

DP.  Anyone complicit in supporting the continuance of the patriarchy should be called out.  I absolutely have contempt for women who expect me to conform to their idea of what a woman/wife should be doing.  [/quote]

Bragging about your husband the chef as a means of putting down other women isn't smashing the patriarchy.[/quote]

PP you're responding to. My DH isn't a chef and I haven't bragged about him on this thread. I'm the PP who gave him a choice of him buying Christmas gifts for his family or making a donation in their name. I also wrote that, over the course of nearly 30 years together, it hasn't been easy to hold firm on my refusal to conform to the [b]women's[/b] idea of what I should be doing. But that I'm glad I have.

Being a feminist is accepting the choices [b]people[/b] make.[/quote]

Choice feminism has been debunked as complete crap. You can CHOOSE to walk 10 paces behind your husband, and only eat the leftovers of his meals, but that ain't feminism, baby.[/quote]

Puh-lease - [b]you and the other post are choosing to be contrary.[/b]  :roll:   Being a feminist absolutely is about respecting choices when they are made from a place of equity (not equality). [/quote]

And you're not?

Choice feminism also allows its proponents to look down at people who make different choices without bothering to consider their motivation for said choices - all in the name of "feminism."  Pass.[/quote]

What are you prattling on about? Feminists do not look down upon people who make different choices than the make when it truly is a choice and not pressured conformity to misogyny/patriarchy. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics