Reply to Fiancé won’t put me on the title of our new house

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[quote=Anonymous]I find it really strange that people always tell married women to "take him to the cleaners" if a husband is cheating or less than perfect spouse but in this situation, because she is not married, she deserves nothing? I dont get it. They are in a relationship, with a child, but he treats them as if they dont matter, as if their well being means nothing to him and that, I think, is very sad. How sad it would be to live with someone with whom have had a child and yet know they truly dont care about you and treat you and the child as second class, not worthy of any of the protections given to the first set of kids.

OP is naive for calling her boyfriend 'fiance' after all these years and yes, it signals that he does not consider her as a spouse and has no care or consideration for her well being in the future. What's really sad is that they have a young child together for whom he, presumably, also has not made arrangements for, even though he is wealthy enough to own two homes and his older kids are already well into adulthood. Many of you argue that because she is only working "part time" she is not "worthy" of financial protection; but extend this to married SAHM and I don't see the same arguments. Whether it was a good idea or not,  OP had a child with this man; they live together and she  presumably contributes some part of her income and time to their shared household. We do not know of any other arrangements. We also know that in lieu of child support she lives in *his* home, but again, she has no right to stay in it. Given their ages, anything could happen..he could drop dead, but so could she. The biggest issue I see here is that OP and her boyfriend have not had any hard discussions about the future. If she dies tomorrow, will he provide for their shared child?  who gets custody? What's the arrangement with her older kids who live in the home (part time? full time)?  Why are they not married--did he once say he would get married but has put it off ? What about retirement and health insurance? This whole situation would make me very unsettled.

OP, its time for some hard conversations and hard truths. You need to discuss with him what happens if/when one of you passes away or...decides to separate (either one can happen).  Key questions: what financial support have either of you put in place for your shared child? has he made a will? have yoou? Will he leave one of the homes, or part of the estate, to your shared child? Are you on his health insurance and what happens if he dies? Does he get retirement benefits and do they pass to you?  Is he saving for college for your shared kid? Why wont he consider a situation where you have the right to stay in the home until you pass away, even if you do not retain ownership of it?  I suggest you see a lawyer first, on your own, to understand your situation and options.

Secondly, you need to start making plans for yourself and your kids. Are you saving for retirement? Can you get health insurance if you dont' have it?  Its probably time to ramp up to full time work and save as much as possible toward your retirement and future expenses. [/quote]

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