Reply to Friend asked to join book club

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Reply to "Friend asked to join book club - how to politely say no?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]SO weird she asked to come! Bold and rude.[/quote]

[quote]Aren't we always saying "ask to join" to people who want to make friends?  No she wasn't rude for asking.[/quote]

NP. I don't think she was rude for asking per se, but I certainly think there are better and worse ways of asking, and some are more rude than others. You don't put someone else on the spot like this -- not if you are thoughtful and care about them. It's polite to leave a clear "out" open.

I can't imagine NOT leading in with something like, "Is your book club even open to new people joining? If they are ..." etc. I mean, of course. If it were just a bald "Hey! Can I come, too?" then there is something rude about that. [/quote]

It's also rude to talk about groups that another person wouldn't be permitted to join.[/quote]

Sure. And neither mitigated the rudeness of the other.

[/quote]

No it does not. OP created this problem by talking about a group activity to her "close friend" that she doesn't want her friend to join.  And now she's acting high school mean-girl because she wants to keep her friends to herself.   She lacks basic social skills.[/quote]

This can't be a real opinion of a rea[b]d[/b] adult in the real world. You want too much of people -- and others have a right to make decisions for themselves about how much or little they allow you into their lives. If you french kiss [b]you're[/b] considered friends, but if you put up some boundaries you're only "friends"? I thought it was the other way around.[/quote]

You could use some education on basic manners and literacy.[/quote]

LOL cut paste repeat, eh PP? Basic manners says barging in is rude. Being invited in is fine. See the difference?[/quote]

Exactly, she should never ask to come to next meeting. That is [b]incredibly rude[/b]. [/quote]

Asking is not incredibly rude.  Just showing up is.[/quote]

If you have a "close friend", why is it rude to express interest in doing things together.   Presumably you would want to have her there if you really liked her enough...[/quote]

DP. You can like someone without wanting them to be present in every single context of your life. That's okay. It doesn't make you a bad person, nor does it imply that the other person is unworthy in some way. It's a matter of context.

Do you want everyone you "really like enough" going on date night with you and your husband? invited to the spa day you do every summer with your two college roommates to catch up? coming to a quiet walk through the museum you had planned to clear your head?

All of the people you really like? really, all of them, every time, all at once?[/quote]

It's a book club. Where are you getting "Every single context..." No need to exaggerate and make this into a way bigger deal. OP didn't seem to think so and is merely asking for polite working. Stop being dramatic.[/quote]

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