Reply to When to tell kids the truth about their father’s adultery as reason for divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m the PP whose DH learned about his dad’s cheating the the middle school cafeteria and it continued to boggle my mind how many cheaters on this thread seem to believe their secrets will be kept by their entire social group. Kids are going to find out. They usually do. The only question is whether they find out from someone who cares about them or not. [/quote]

I agree.  And my spouse had an affair.  I did not tell my children or a single other person except a therapist because we were reconciling.

The person wasn’t in our circle or near us, no deep connection, etc.

Now if my spouse had left, the kids would know why.  I wouldn’t go in detail, but it was/is a happy marriage, very happy home life so to get from that to divorce would do a mind f”k on a kid, especially if he left for somebody else.  I know I was blindsided and what that has done to my mental health.  The kids are blissfully unaware and thriving.  Feel safe and loved and doing great in school, socially, etc.

I also wouldn’t gaslight my teens if they found evidence and asked about it.  So I get people faced with this choice.  It does more damage to a teen to gaslight and be dishonest.

I have their best interest in mind now and always do, always have.  I don’t think people saying they let their teens/adult children know why the marriage ended are going into gory detail.  Saying a parent was unfaithful is a fact.  I get cheaters prefer to continue living their lies, but that’s not reality.  And kids should know marriage wasn’t taken lightly and ended for some “oh we just grew apart” bullsh@t.  Not a good way to teach about commitment and honesty.[/quote]

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