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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Well it's been a long long road. I discovered my husbands limerent affair 5 years ago. I can honestly say were not being mindful of our marriage. Over volunteering - raising 2 young kids. I found out when looking for his adult league softball schedule and his search bar said - understanding what its like to go through a divorce and novels about teachers who end up together. (spring 2018)
6 months prior he and a co-worker were talking and she told him about her failing marriage. For the next 8 weeks they spoke everyday (fall 2017). He was emailing her to check in on her. He noticed he had feelings so he said Im married and I can't be your friendly ear any more bc Im developing feelings for you.  She immediately blocked him on social media, and she said she didn't want cobtact with him. 
Then he became obcessed with knowing if she had feelings for him. He thought she was being so nice waiting until she divorced fully to tell him how great he is.

Well we did counseling (mostly separate he said be needed tp work through some stuff)and took some nights away. We worked hard. Our communication skills improved. We have 2 children who have very high  IQ's and caring for them is more of a challenge then either of us ever thought it would be.

So I could feel some distance and he was acting strange ) (Winter 2020) He was still enamored with this woman. Fantasizing about her. Wanting to know what she thought of him. So we started the process all over again to recover. Marriage counseling this time.

(Spring/summer 2022) Well he passed her in the hall at work and she smiled so he became desperate to know how she felt. He left notes for her and she turned him in to HR. He was put on admin leave and will have to move to another building to keep his job.

So fall 2017 to Spring 2022. Each time he says he never was going to leave the marriage and apparently loved me the whole time. How can this be true?

I've read on Limerent Affairs and it all describes it to a T. We never had a bad marriage. We enjoy being together
. It was easier to be in a fantasy with this woman the deal with parenting our children. We actively worked on our marriage all od these years. It has come to my attention that it almost doesn't matter what I do - durong these years he wasn't honest about his struggle. He wanted someone to listen but wasn't being honest with me or the counselor.  (so he never got what he wanted and neither did I) I really dont want a divorce, but I also will no longer be in a marriage that my husband feels the need to escape all the time. He struggles with perfectionism and low self esteem. 
It has been very hurtful the time and energy he put into getting to know her and understand her feels crushing.  He has ideas of us doing things together that would strengthen our understanding of each other and our bond, but has little to no follow through. 
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I’m so sorry you had to go through this. Life can be so hard sometimes [/quote]

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