Reply to If you forgave infidelity, how did you do it?

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Reply to "If you forgave infidelity, how did you do it?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I got a front room seat ot parents going through this when I was a child. My mom told me everything and it messed my sister and I up pretty well. If you don't plan on forgiving and forgetting please leave. Also don't drag the kids into it at all possible. My husband's parents had a clean break post infidelity and my husband and his sisters fared much better.[/quote]

The same thing happened to me.  My Dad cheated and my Mom chose to stay.  She was embarrassed to confide in any of her girlfriends because she wanted everyone to think that she had the perfect, so I was the one who got to listen to all of her stories about my Dad, the intimate details of the cheating, their bedroom issues and how horrible her life was.  I was 10 years old and it had a lasting impact on my life.  I wish they had divorced and lived their own separate life.  I will never understand why they did not divorce.  They can't stand each other to this day and they are in their late 70's.  [/quote]

Good God, your mother has something wrong with her.... 10 years old???
A ten year old should barely know about sex, and they certainly shouldn't know about the inner workings of her parents marriage, sex life, affairs,  etc.

Child psychologists have said that what your mother inflicted onto you is tantamount to child abuse... psychological child abuse.

An adult should never, EVER involve their children in adult situations... she should be ashamed of herself. 
She was more concerned with what her friends thought & impressing them with a fake life, rather than the trauma that she was inflicting onto her child, by displaying such an unhealthy relationship for her to mimic through life... ugh.  
That's sick.

[/quote]

It's called enmeshment, when a parent uses a child for 'adult' or 'peer' support.  Ditto cheaters and AP in limerence.  There's some excellent emerging information about the science and psychology of brains and at what point(s) children can differentiate themselves from their caregivers, especially from their primary caregivers.  Imagine excavating a foundation of a large building and finding pieces of the foundation missing in random places, and random trash that got tossed in while the work was progressing, and then over time, maybe the building floods or mice move in, or someone seals up a door to rearrange the spaces.  The puppy analogy can be expanded because dogs can't apologize with words or actions, and nor can they write a letter about what happened to them before they were sold or rescued, etc.  Biology, environment, traumatic events all factor into coping and resiliency for everyone involved as time marches forward.[/quote]

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