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[quote=Anonymous][quote]Anecdotally, every woman I know married to a man who doesn’t do his share, actively does things to enable the behavior. From quitting her job, EBF, not sleep training, never leaving the kids to go away for a weekend, not demanding her husband takes any parental leave etc. I am in a egalitarian marriage with a husband who does 50/50 and supports my career. I have taken a different path than some of my friends but they would probably describe me as lucky to have a husband who actively parents and does his share.

But my friends never:

1. Formula fed so their husband was responsible for a window of time for the baby 
2. Left their young baby without instructions for the day with their husband 
3. Returned to work 
4. Went away for the weekend with girlfriends 
5. Refused to have more kids if their husband didn’t take parental leave

If you EBF and quit your job while your husband returns to work, you’re essentially saying the child is 100% your responsibility and not your husband’s. You’re saying your husband earns the $ and you do the housework/childcare. It’s very hard to break these habits. Men get very used to having a career while their wife stays home and does everything else. [/quote]

Holy Judgement Batman! How do you hold down a full time job while being a mom and also holding so many people in contempt for their personal choices that don't have anything to do with you?! What are you, Supermom???

In all seriousness, this sounds like it worked for you but is an absolutely insane dictate to force on every other woman. It's also incredibly regressive because you are putting ALL of the responsibility for creating equality/egalitarianism in a marriage on the woman. Like what if a woman wants to breastfeed and it goes great and it makes her feel really good to do that for her kid (I'm pro-formula, by the way, but I'm also pro-free will)? If she chooses to EBF does that automatically mean that any inequality in her marriage is HER FAULT? Because that's insane.

And you are also demanding all women do weekends away with girlfriends? That's just... very specific. I didn't do weekends away with girlfriends before I had a baby, so I'm not going to start now probably. Sometimes my DH takes our kid for solo weekends with his mom though, and I get time to myself which is great. Although you're not going to believe this, but he does this even though I breastfed AND quit my job after my baby was born. I know, CRAZY, right? I just hated my job and wanted a longer maternity leave, so we talked it through and figured out a way to do it. I went back to work, but not immediately, and then only PT for a while. And yet, my DH kept up being an equal partner all the way through because that's actually HIS job, not mine, to make happen.

In fact, right this moment, he's doing laundry and cleaning the bathrooms because he took a personal day from work to catch up on housework. I'm working (er, "working"/wasting time on DCUM). Our kid is at school and despite the fact that I breastfed her, my DH prepares more than half of her meals.

Again, glad your choices worked out for you, but the fact that you feel the need to harshly judge women who make other choices indicates to me that maybe you don't have any of this as figured out as you think you do. Like your comment is loaded with resentment and anger. I don't know at what, but I think it has more to do with your life than anything any other woman has ever done.[/quote]

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