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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have to think that some of the defense of the wife and the son's lack of weighing in at all is influenced by people's experiences/perceptions of overbearing MILs.

1. You have a best friend you talk to one or more times a day. She is happily married and you like the husband well enough. Over dinner one day with that couple, the husband informs you that they are going on vacation and won’t be talking to anyone at all for two weeks. Your best friend says nothing at all. Mute.  Do you not mention this at all to your friend? You don’t bring it up because doing so would undermine them as “a married unit” and hearing from the husband is basically the same as hearing from your good friend?  You have no questions for her?

2. Or, if it was the husband in this scenario that delivered the message to his MIL?  You, as MIL, watch your daughter sit silently as you hear this from your son-in-law? You don't follow up?

Again, no issues with the decision itself.  It is fine.  But it is odd that the person with the primary relationship to OP did not speak at all.  And to have some questions, even just "That will be interesting.  How did you guys decide to do that?  Do you think it will be a challenge for you to not be in contact with anyone? I was told "no screens", are you really not going to check news or social media?  Impressive!" [/quote]

The people defending the wife here would cut their own spouses off from all outside contact themselves if they could.[/quote]

Wow! I hope you didn't break your legs jumping so high to make that leap. Where did you come to this conclusion?

Also how do you not acknowledge the MIL's creepiness and enmeshment here?[/quote]

Fine. MIL.is completely creepy and too enmeshed. That still doesn't make the wife's behavior remotely okay, but the people defending the wife here would love to 100% control their spouse's contacts with the outside world so they defend that since they'd do it themselves if they could. There isn't a healthy, rational world in which one spouse controls the other spouse's independent ability to contact people. There isn't a world where a spouse unilaterally cutting the other spouse off from phone contact is acceptable, except to those people.who are just admiring the wife and wishing they could cut their own spouses off like that. And please, the husband didn't say a word here, so spare me the imaginary "oh for sure he wants this too" fantasies. [/quote]

DP.  People really are spinning out their own fantasies of how this conversation went down.  Yes, the DIL is the one who shared it, but nothing in OP’s posts suggests there was any conversation at all beyond that so what need was there for OP’s son to say anything?  If OP ad spoken up in the moment then perhaps she would have heard from her so too, but if OP just said fine and then the conversation moved on, why is there any need for the son to beat a dead horse?[/quote]

This!  If my husband told my mom our plan, and he said it accurately, and my mom had no questions, why would I feel the need to jump in and re-explain it? Do you all not let your spouse talk to anyone without you getting involved in the conversation?

And with the friend scenario, if there was no prior behavior by the husband that made me think he was controlling or abusive, and my friend sat there and listened to her husband explain they would forgo screens but did not object or give any indication she disagreed with what he was saying, why would I assume that she was in an abusive relationship?

Finally, perhaps the biggest reason that people are telling the OP not to talk to her son about it is because she wants to go tell him not to go screen-free and to call her a few times during the vacation.  If OP had said she wanted to ask him why they decided to go screen-free, whether that extended to not watching tv, and other questions merely out of curiosity, then that would be one thing.  But she said she wanted to call him to tell him he needed to call her during his vacation, and that is definitely going behind the DIL’s back. [/quote]

Look this is how I imagine this conversation:

MIL: Are you looking forward to your vacation?

DIL: Yes! I can’t wait. We even decided to go no screens to just focus on the trip.

Son: And the trip is going to be awesome! I just booked scuba lessons for us.

The mother has boundary issues, [b]so she views her son NOT obsessing about her daily phone calls as a sign that he’s being controlled and possibly abused by his wife[/b]. The son was just naturally talking about the vacation. There’s nothing else to say about letting family know you’re not going to be on your phone during your vacation, so he just started talking about the things he’s looking forward to doing on the trip. The wife probably did too. It’s bizarre that the mother is so fixated on talking to her son daily that taking a break during vacation causes this much angst.

[/quote]

The OP didn't say the bolded.  She is concerned about going two weeks when she talks every day.  Is that unusual and weird? Yes.  But it is different than you wrote.

And I still don't get why the son here is getting such a pass.  He is participating in these calls.  He could even be initiating them.   So he is an equal partner in the "enmeshed" relationship.[/quote]

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