Reply to What’s the end game plan for a cheating husband?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Don’t know his end game, seemed to be to never get caught.

My end game: divorce the cheater, devious liar.

Blindsided.  I was having lots of sex and to find out after 23 years together he was banging someone else: traumatizing.

He begged, cried, pleaded, Alonso committed suicide, when it came out.

Too bad.[/quote]

It is traumatizing!  Mine also begged, cried, pleaded to stay together.  I do not understand why the crying and begging? Obviously sex with me wasn’t that valuable to my DH, so why beg, cry and plead for it to continue?  That’s such a confusing mixed message.

These cheaters are all about constructing a double life in which they appear like good guys to the outside world and when the curtain is drawn back, it can be quite disastrous.  Mine also engaged in suicidal talk, which was another kind of attempt to manipulate me. [/quote]

Because as soon as the curtain is lifted and all hell breaks loose, we realize we risked everything in life that meant the most to us for a person that ultimately meant nothing.  That hit if excitement or escape from boredom midlife cost everything.  When it is discovered, what we kept compartmentalized spills out into our real life and we are forced to see what we were doing wasn’t who we want to be, actions don’t align with values.  Then, having to face the pain on the faces of people you love dearly is unbearable.  And if you try to make it work, you can never take back what you did.  It changes you and the marriage.
[/quote]

Could you elaborate on the “it changes you and the marriage” part?[/quote]

You will NEVER completely trust the cheater again and all of the time they were cheating you will write off as not “being married”.  You will lose respect for someone that did that to you.  Their “word” will mean nil.  In the back of your head your will always doubt and feel the marriage is a fraud.  [/quote]

I lost respect for him.  One of the traits that attracted me to him when we first met was his honesty/integrity.  Ha.  What a joke.[/quote]

You married a dirt ball and should divorce him. Get yourself in a good position and ditch that loser.[/quote]

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