Reply to SAHM’s - anyone successfully convince DH to support their staying home long term?

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Reply to "SAHM’s - anyone successfully convince DH to support their staying home long term?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Make a list of all the house/kid stuff and have him select the half of the tasks that he will do.  (Be sure to divide it into daily, weekly, occasional so he can't take all the occasional tasks like weeding and making drs appts and leave you with dishes and laundry and cleaning).

My suspicion is that he will balk at this.  If he says no, then tell him you aren't going to go back because you can't handle everything yourself while working full-time.

If he says ok, then go back to work, but make sure he is handling all his tasks himself.  If he is in charge of dishes, and he doesn't do them, they pile up in the sink.  If he is in charge of trash, and he doesn't take out the trash, then you have overflowing trash.  He will either step up or realize that things are better with you at home.

This is the only way.[/quote]

I agree this is a good approach but she should be prepared for DH to tell her (hopefully in a loving way) that some of the stuff she fills her days with just isn’t that important and that they can let it slide/relax some standards.  Not dishes and garbage, obviously, but maybe (for example) he doesn’t care if they eat pasta and jarred spaghetti sauce with a bagged salad for dinner instead of a scratch-made meal.  [/quote]

You can fill 6-8 hours a day, but that doesn't mean that the things you do during that time are actually necessary.  Your husband may not think that home-baked bread or pinterest-worthy birthday parties or whatever are important.

I really think that you have to come at this, not as "How do I get my husband to agree that I never need to work again?"  Because that pits you against him.  Treating staying home like a big favor you're doing him is foolish.  You're doing it because YOU want to; be honest about that.  It might make his life easier in some ways, but you're not being altruistic, so don't pretend that you are.  And don't inflate the stuff you do, or downplay what he does.  Sit down and figure out your family's financial and other goals.  See how you staying home v. working part time v. working full time fits into those goals.  Think about what's really important and what you can compromise on.  This needs to be something you work out together.  If you stay home and he's not on board, it's likely to just fester or create resentment.  You need to act like a team. [/quote]

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