Reply to I don't want to be under pressure when my DH isn't

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I cannot stand that I have a high stress job and my DH has a low stress (and low paying) job. Why did I do this to myself? I regret marrying him with every bone in my body. Any man who sits and watches his wife endure stress and pressure and is content to take it easy is no man. This is primal and will never change. [/quote]

This is nuts.  My SAHM DW dealt with a house full of rugrats (four under 7) while she was participating in major house renovations.  Lots of stress.  It ‘s not a reflection on the DH’s manhood that the DW is stressed.[/quote]

You must be dense. I am dealing with something similar AND working a demanding full time job. [/quote]

Oh, OP.
You're just angry, period. 
You're angry with your husband, you're angry with this PP, you're angry with ANYONE who dare not be in your side.

You're not angry with him because he's got a low stress job... you're just a miserable person, so seeing anyone with even a modicum of happiness sends you into a rage.

- If you have untreated anxiety, get it treated.

- If you're a type-A, perfectionist, control freak -- accept that your feelings have nothing to do with anyone else but YOU.

- If you're hyper competitive or trying to live up to someone elses expectations of you, please accept that you'll never be happy unless you do it for yourself.

He chose his career and you chose yours. 
He didn't force you into your occupation I assume, thus you should NOT resent him for what he chose.

I truly hope that you are limiting your time with your kids while you're raging live this. 
You may think they want to be with you all the time, but kids are truly simple creatures... they want to eat, they want to sleep, they want to see friends, they want to be entertained -- and they WANT to spend time with parents who make them feel loved, safe, secure & happy.

If mom and dad aren't married but share custody, well that's even easier -- they would prefer to spend more time with whichever parent causes the least amount of stress & drama in their lives  (which includes no yelling, slamming cabinets, walking on eggshells around, etc).

They would prefer to spend more time with whichever parent is the most reliable/dependable in their lives, whichever one makes it an absolute priority to normalize their every day life as much as possible, and the parent that never, EVER badmouths the other parent in the presence of their child.

It sounds like that might be dad, huh?

I know you're still married, but I mentioned divorce, because if YOU don't get a handle on YOUR rage, resentment & anger, divorce will be a day in your immediate future.

This is YOUR baggage, not his.
This is YOUR resentment, not his. 
This is YOUR rage, not his. 
This is YOUR extremly biased view,  not his. 
These are YOUR unfair expectations, not his.

I get it -- you're far too close to the flame and you can't see anything but fire.

For that reason, I fear that we're all wasting our time trying to help you... as you have one point of view only, and it is terribly distorted, weighted & unequally the one that makes you the martyr.

You have dug your heels so deep into this victim perspective, it's always going to be easier for you to stay hunkered down with your comforting go-to combination resentment/rage, rather than actually facing the real problem head on.

You.

It will always be easier for you to point fingers, accuse and blame him, but just know that you're not fooling anyone... the people in your life know who you are, know your history and know the truth, no matter where blame is placed.

A toxic mirror of shame isn't fun to look into, is it?
[/quote]

I have no idea why you think I storm around. No one slams cabinets in my home. I just don’t want to be married to my husband anymore. It’s scary how much you are projecting at me.[/quote]

What is stopping you? [/quote]

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