Reply to Husband wants to go to Vegas on his paternity leave

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DH here. I don’t see what the big deal is. He’s home all day with newborns as well and wants to join a weekend trip with his buddies.

Despite the hype, mothering two kids and keeping them alive for 3 days isn’t climbing Everest. [/quote]

Please tell us more about your expertise on mothering, male human. [/quote]

Literally half the planet has done it since the dawn of time? I know that much. And 99%+ of those have done it under a whole hell of a lot more duress than “my husband went to Vegas for 2.5 days” and left me in my suburban, air-conditioned, well-appointed 5000 square foot home with two kids. Get over yourselves. [/quote]

[i]Well...certain type of victim woman will take a lot of shit from their DH.  The DH who wrote above is married to a woman with low self-esteem and can get away by doing these kinds of things.

Feel sorry for the children who are raised in such shitty marriages.

[/quote][/i][b]
+1000[/quote]

Wait, let me get this straight. We have low self esteem and shitty marriages because we facilitate our DHs weekend trip with friends?

Do you hear yourself?

Girl, are you okay? [/quote]

Ones who brush off the difficulty of caring for a newborn and a toddler alone as not a big deal? And who apparently don’t have a clue that one person caring for them alone is not something that has been done since the dawn of time and that throughout most of history and still in most cultures mothers have help? If you are married to somebody like this, I do feel bad for you. You are letting your husband get away with being an ass. [/quote]

Maybe I'm just more competent at mothering but no, I do not think a newborn and toddler are all that difficult. I have had three children close in age while my husband traveled extensively for work. Now he makes a fortune. You don't have to feel sorry for me. Just FYI, doubling down as you are confirms my suspicions that you're projecting your shitty marriage issues here. I hope your husband is okay. Good luck in your divorce. [/quote]

First, I’m not the PP. Second, this isn’t about how hard it is for you. It’s about a man, who in all likelihood hasn’t ever taken care of a newborn and a three year old alone (but who definitely has no clue how difficult OP’s kids are), flippantly saying that somebody who thinks it’s hard is being dramatic. It’s rude and it’s ignorant. The guy is a jerk and it’s weird that you’re defending a random internet dude who is probably a massive misogynist. [/quote]

I'm not defending the mansplainer.

I'm defending those of us that facilitate our husband's leisure time even while we have young kids and newborns against PP who surmised that we have low self esteem and shitty marriages. [/quote]

Note that lots of comments in this thread said “personally I would be fine with that” and the nobody accused them of having low self-esteem and shitty marriages. The comment in question comes from a man who is a special kind of douchebag, and your coming in and identifying with his wife and defending your self-esteem, as opposed to saying “hey dude that’s a shitty thing to say,” was really off-base. Especially when you started making comments about your superior parenting abilities, your superior marriage, and your husbands large income.

I genuinely think you should examine your internalized misogyny. 
[/quote]

I swear people on this board have amnesia. Caring for a newborn and a toddler alone is absolutely very hard on the person doing the caring.  I have done lots of hard things in my life including law school and biglaw and long-distance running and unmedicated labor.  An all-nighter for work is not as hard as being up all hours to feed this tiny baby who won't sleep  and then getting up to take care of a toddler who already feels jealous and neglected. And then doing it the next night and the next night and the next.  Meanwhile it's 4 weeks so you are still bleeding and physically sore and depleted.

My husband would never have suggested a boys' trip to Vegas at 4 weeks.  At 3 months he went out of town to a funeral and he helped me prepare by getting groceries and doing laundry before he left.  [/quote]

No, no amnesia. The real answer is just that different people find different things hard. I found all of the things you listed far harder than taking care of the baby and the toddler. The baby can’t even move and it’s asleep much of the time. I think a huge part of the issue is expectations. Kids screaming, yes. That’s going to happen. It doesn’t need to be silenced immediately. Same with jealousy. Also, I order my groceries and it takes what, 10 minutes? I guess just agree to disagree. I have a baby and older kids and I still value time with friends, more than ever now I’m older. You make the time. My husband did a trial when my second was born and was gone from two weeks on and it was nice sweet home bonding time. [/quote]

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