Reply to Wife wants to be "alone" so this means we divorce?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here, she said something to me last night that's [b]tough to swallow or interpret.[/b] Basically, she tired of being my wife. Not personally, although it's hard to not take it personally. More about being in my shadow. I am in a somewhat high profile field that gets some media attention, the usual accolades if a project goes well, etc. We met in grad school so she feels its unfair and knows it not fair and she should feel happy and she is proud, etc. but it's swallowed her identity.

Also, she's tired of being in "polite society" and making small talk with my clients, etc. Holding her tongue when we entertain people whose political views she finds repugnant.

Anyway, thanks for all the feedback.[/quote]
NP here. I'm pretty confused about what's difficult to interpret here. She doesn't like pretending to respect or care about your clients. And, she also feels like after starting out on equal professional footing (you went to the same grad school and presumably have the same degree), she is now the "supportive wife" instead of a person in her own right. She sounds pretty clear and articulate from your many posts...and I think it's not that she's jealous of your success so much that she's jealous of your autonomy.

I can tell you after this year of COVID I fantasize about going on a trip where I don't have to worry about a single person's needs but my own. I used to travel for business a lot, and so I at least got a day-or-two a month when I didn't have to worry about what Larlo/Larla were eating, were they dressed...or that DH wouldn't like the meal I prepared. You might have earned the money and the status for your family, but it does not sound like you've made the day-to-day sacrifices of self and need that your wife has. I'm going nuts with no break after 1.5 years...I can't imagine how she feels after 20.

Overall, it really doesn't matter whose right or wrong. She's ready to take action, and the question is whether you care. You say that she wanted to stay home 20 years ago, but it's not like she knew back then how she'd feel now. She's telling you very clearly that she wants a stronger sense of autonomy, and you are receiving it as a personal attack instead of trying to see things through her eyes. You can't be in a healthy relationship like that. The question ultimately is do you want her to be happy? How big of a deal is it to you? Doesn't matter if it makes sense to you. Doesn't matter if she asked for something different 20 years ago. Do you want her to be happy now? If so, what are you willing to do to facilitate that? Mostly, it seems to me that she'd like you to start by taking an interest in her feelings and ambitions.[/quote]

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